Broken in Bluebell
by eleanorejune
Summary: They've been living a perfect life in Bluebell, well almost perfect anyway, but when Wade Kinsella suffers unimaginable loss how will he and Zoe cope when their lives have been so drastically changed? Seven years post 4x10.
1. Chapter 1

Dr. Zoe Hart was scared. Scared to touch the man in the hospital bed before her. She'd held hearts in her hands, lungs, livers - she was not a woman afraid of anything the human body had to offer. Hospitals were a haven to her. The beeps of monitors, and wooshes of the ventilators weren't just the rhythms of the hospital, they were her rhythms. Those noises were once as much a part of her as her own breathing and heartbeat. Now they took her breath away and accelerated her pulse with fear.

 _Focus on the chart. See the progress._

But there wasn't much progress. The man's body was broken in irreparable ways and he still hadn't woken up. She glanced at the clock on the wall. 26 hours and 42 minutes since he was brought in. He needed to wake up. She needed to wake him up, but she couldn't. All she could do was stand there and stare at him. A fear she had never know gripping her body and freezing her in place.

"Zoe?" She felt a warm hand on her shoulder. _Lavon_. "Cora is asking for you. She's fine, but you've been down here awhile."

"Yeah. I'll…" She put the chart back on the wall. "It's been too long Lavon." She twisted the gold band around her finger trying to keep herself together. "I don't know what to do. I can't be in two places at once. I can't leave him alone."

"I'll stay here. He won't be alone. You go up and be with Cora." Lavon's big hands wrapped around her shoulders that seemed to have shrunk over the past day. He gently steered her out the door. "I'll be here. The girls are upstairs waiting for you. Be there right now. I'll send word if there is any change."

Zoe walked dazedly to the elevators grief radiating from her with every step she took away from the room.

Lavon sat down in the chair next to the bed and took the limp hand of the unconscious man. He searched for any signs of life beyond those forced upon him by the myriad of machinery regulating his breathing, and monitoring his vital signs. He felt his heartbreak for Zoe, for himself, and for all of Bluebell.

"Wade, you've got to wake up now. You're scaring Zoe."

* * *

 **I know that is chapter is short (really short), it is really more of an introduction, a teaser if you will. The rest of the chapters are 1000+ words and have more detail.** **I really appreciate everyone for reading and commenting. I hope to take us all on an emotional yet fun trip to Bluebell (aka, my favorite small town ever).**

 **Thanks for reading!**  
 **-E**

 **Oh and I should probably add the obligatory "I don't own any of these characters" statement. The storyline might be mine, but the inhabitants of Bluebell, like the town itself, is the creation of someone else. This is just fun for me, and hopefully you too.**


	2. Chapter 2

Zoe stopped in the doorway and looked at the scene before her. Two little girls in matching pink nightgowns lay in the hospital bed listening intently as Lemon Hayes read them a story about a princess who fought a dragon all on her own. The girls were the same age, almost to the day - it had been a very long and trying 9 months for the town of Bluebell. Little Cora arrived two days before her honorary cousin Poppy. And at just 4 years old, the girls were inseparable, even here Poppy couldn't stay away from her best friend. Cora - a miniature Zoe, with big brown eyes and dark hair, Poppy - her eyes were all Lemon, but shone an even brighter blue highlighted by her cafe au lait skin and dark curls.

"Mommy!" Cora exclaimed when she looked up. Zoe smiled. Even in the face of so much fear and grief, her daughter was a bright spot.

"I'm here sweetie. Thanks for being a brave girl while I was gone." Zoe turned to the woman who was once her worst enemy and now one of her best friends. "Thanks for staying with her Lemon."

"Of course. I can't imagine being anywhere else considering the circumstances. Besides these princesses needed a bedtime story." Her voice was cheerful as always, but Zoe new the strain under that pep. "Poppy, come here sweetie. Aunt Zoe needs to lay down with Cora and we need to get home and put you to bed. It's after nine o'clock."

Lemon grabbed Zoe's hand. "We have everything taken care of at home so don't worry about a thing. Tom and Wanda said they can keep Parker as long as you need them too. But I'm happy to bring him back to our house if you'd rather."

"No, Park and Froda have such a good time together, let's leave him there for tonight at least." Zoe thought about her son. At almost 8 years old Parker was the most wonderful unexpected gift in her life. He was quick to smile, and thought his father hung the sun in the sky.

A knock sounded at the open door and Zoe looked up to see Brick Breeland.

"Grandpa!" Both girls shouted in unison. Brick may have only been Poppy's grandfather, but he had become an honorary grandfather to both of Zoe's children and she couldn't have been happier to have him in that role.

"Hello there my lovelies." He swung Poppy up into a hug before coming to stand next to Cora and Zoe. "I spoke with the nurse and it looks like you get to come home tomorrow morning little lady." He planted a kiss on to the top of Cora's head. "And that you have been the sweetest, bravest patient they have had in years."

"I've tried to be very good, Grandpa."

"I know you have sweetie." He looked into Zoe's eyes, "Any change?"

She shook her head slightly. "No change. Lavon is sitting with him now. I'll go back down in a while, I don't want him to be alone."

"No, you won't." Came Lemon's quick reply. "You are going to get some sleep. Those dark circles under your eyes are just dreadful." She gave Zoe a sad smile. "Lavon is down there now, Daddy, you will take the next shift and then I'll be back in the morning to relieve you. I'll swing by your house on the way back and pick up a change of clothes for you Zoe. And something pretty for you to come home in tomorrow, Cora."

At moments like this Zoe was happy for Lemon's take charge approach to life. It was a relief to let Lemon things. She knew she needed sleep. He whole body felt heavy and she didn't think she could hold back the tears much longer. "Thank you." She managed to whisper.

"You go to sleep now too Cora. It looks like Poppy already beat you to dreamland." Brick said as he carried his sleeping granddaughter to the door. "We will be back to pick you up in the morning. Take good care of your momma."

Cora nodded and snuggled closer to her mom. "I will."

"All settled then. Zoe, sleep. We will come get you if anything changes." With that Lemon, Brick and Poppy were gone and Zoe was alone with her daughter.

"Mommy? Is daddy ok?"

"The very best doctors are taking care of him." Zoe added as she wrapped her arms around her precious little girl.

"But aren't you the best doctor?" Cora asked looking up at her mom.

Zoe smiled, "I am a very good doctor, but I'm not the kind of doctor your daddy needs right now."

"You are exactly who I need right now." Cora answered, sounding older than her 4 years. She snuggled closer. "Let's go to sleep now mommy, tomorrow we get to go home."

"I love you sweetie. Close your eyes now."

A few moments later Zoe felt the rhythmic rise and fall of sleep overtake her daughter. She savored the slight snores and held her closer. "I could have lost you and your dad. I'm so thankful I have you in my arms tonight. I love you Cora Belle." Zoe whispered into her sleeping daughter's hair. Finally the tears she'd been holding back since she got the terrible call from the hospital in Mobile began to fall. Silently at first and then great wracking sobs as she held her daughter who thankfully slept through it all. Eventually she fell into the sleep of someone well past the point of exhaustion, her eyes still wet with tears.

 _She was standing on her front porch looking out at the Alabama night sky. Wade came up beside her. He hugged her close and started walking off into the night. "Where are you going?" She called after him. "Sorry Doc, I've got to go." He looked so sad as he walked away. "You can't go!" She started to run after him but the distance between them seemed to multiply with every step she took. "Wade come back! You can't leave me!"_

She woke with a start to a light shake of her shoulder. "Doctor Hart? I'm sorry to wake you, but there's been some complications and they are taking your husband into surgery now." A nurse said in a whisper.

Zoe nodded her understanding and unwrapped herself from her daughter's sleeping embrace. "Which suite?"

"Four." The nurse walked briskly beside her as they headed to the elevators. "I'll keep an eye on your daughter. Don't worry about her for a moment."

The elevator doors dinged open and Zoe punched the button for the 3rd floor. When they opened again moments later Zoe took off running for the surgery wing shouting "Wade! Wade!" Even though she knew it was pointless, he couldn't hear her. He was probably back in surgery already, behind thick walls and under sedation. But that didn't matter to her now, she just knew she needed to get to him.

Thick arms wrapped around her. "Shhh. Zoe, you need to breathe. Calm down Big Z."

"Lavon, what happened?" She whispered into the big man's chest as he held her.

"Lemon and Brick had just left and I was sitting with Wade when he started seizing."

"Oh God, No." This wasn't a good sign at all. Fluid build up in his brain was probably causing the seizure. She prayed the doctors could relieve the pressure and stop any bleeding. Why hadn't it been caught sooner? He'd had a scan done when he was admitted.

"They took him back for surgery and now we just have to wait and see." Lavon led her to a chair in the surgical waiting area and held her hand. And they waited. Zoe in a daze, not seeing anything happening around her. Her whole being focused on willing her husband to stay alive, to stay with her.

A while later she looked down to see Lemon was holding her other hand. She glanced around the waiting room. It was 2am and sitting across from her were AB and George Tucker. Reverend Mayfield was a few seats down talking to Earl and May. Cricket was there too, handing a cup of coffee to Tansy. Bluebell was out in force for her and Wade tonight. She was so thankful for this town's love.

"Doctor Hart?" A surgeon stepped out into the crowded waiting room.

Zoe shakily stood up with the support of her friends. "How is he?"

"Mr. Kinsella made it through surgery. We still haven't been able to bring him around though. According to all the scans and what I was able to see during the procedure, I don't see an obvious reason that he's still unable to wake up. He's suffered major trauma, and sometimes it just takes a body some extra time to come around, but it's been longer than we'd like to see."

Zoe took in the information. "I need to see him now."

"I think that's a good idea." The surgeon agreed. "I'll take you back."

Lavon and Lemon gave her a hug before she went back to see her husband.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Broken in Bluebell is my first attempt at fanfiction and it is just so much fun to write (and read! I just started reading other people's FF this week. There are some many great HoD stories here!)**

 **I'm so happy to find a way back to Bluebell.**

 **-E**


	3. Chapter 3

The room was dim which only made the white of the gauze wrapped around Wade's head stand out more. Every time she'd entered his room since arriving at the hospital after a drunk driver had t-boned the car with Wade and Cora in it, the first thing Zoe had done was reach for his chart, then check and recheck all his vitals. She hadn't once been able to touch him. She knew that if she touched him it would be real. She'd be the wife of this damaged man, and after seeing so many other people go through that pain during her years as a doctor in New York, she wasn't sure she could handle it. She'd wanted - needed - to remain detached to take care of the things that needed doing.

He had several broken ribs, a punctured lung, a lacerated kidney, a severe concussion, cuts and bruises marred his face and chest, and his legs… She looked at the bed. The blankets laying flat where they shouldn't. His left one gone. Taken off at the hip. The damage to his femur so far beyond repair. He'd lost so much blood from that injury that he was lucky to have survived the ambulance ride, let alone the past day and a half, and the three surgeries he'd had in that short time. Medically he was so fragile, it chilled her.

But she couldn't keep her distance a moment longer. This was Wade. Her Wade. He was her rock, her heart. The one person that could see her through anything. And he had. He'd held her through loss; just last year when the man she had thought was her father for years had died unexpectedly. Wade had been there for her when they had miscarried between Parker and Cora. She knew he had suffered that loss greatly too, but he had always been strong for her. Making her laugh when she thought she would never laugh again.

And now? How could she possibly survive without him?

Zoe stepped closer, seeing him not in a medical way, but as her husband. And her heart broke in ways she didn't know it could. It seemed like death hovered over him. His skin pale and waxy in between the the bruises. She sat down next to him and reached for his hand. Touching him for the first time in nearly 2 days. Finally allowing herself this nearness. Fear had kept her away, but he needed her. He needed her strong, no matter how it frightened her.

"Wade. It's Zoe. I need you to wake up." She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it before pressing his palm to her cheek needing to be touched. She wanted to crawl in bed next to him, but her body as close to his as possible but she stayed put, knowing any movement would hurt him. "Parker and Cora need you to wake up. I know it's hard, but you are so strong. Please Wade, wake up for me...for them."

But he didn't. He stayed unbearably still and silent. His breathing shallow despite the nasal cannula giving him additional oxygen. As a doctor she knew that the longer he stayed unconscious the less his chance at recovery. She knew how serious his injuries were. She knew that she could lose him. It gutted her, but she knew it was the painful truth.

Zoe closed her eyes and ran her fingers across the back of his hand, suddenly she had to tell him everything. Everything that mattered. All those moments she'd tucked into her heart but hadn't shared with him. He needed to know, because if he slipped away from her she hoped that hearing her voice and feeling her touch would bring him comfort.

"I know you didn't always think you were enough for me, but you were. You always were. And I see now that everything you did for me, even back in those early days when I didn't appreciate the man you were, every act was you saying that you loved me. Our house is painted in your love. It is in every brushstroke and laid in every tile. You built our house out of love for me. I didn't see it at the time, but I see it now. You were always worth everything." She kissed him again remembering the early days sparring with Wade, how infuriating she found him. "I should have realized I loved you so much sooner than I did. That night in the barn during the storm. A part of me knew then. I loved you, I didn't just want you, I loved you. I hate that it took me so long to realize it."

"But Wade, you were worth the wait. The man you were then was wonderful, but the man you are now is simply amazing." He eyes roamed over his face, searching in vain for the spark that always exuded from Wade. "You are the best husband and father. You still sing to Park, at night after he's asleep and you think I don't notice, but I do. I've seen you stand by his bed and sing the same songs you sang as you endlessly walked the floors with him during those sleepless nights when we first brought him home. You give us so much love Wade. More love than I thought it was possible for anyone to give. You are the best man and the only one for me. You can't leave me." Forget giving him comfort if he slipped away. He was NOT going anywhere. Zoe wasn't going to let him go. She squeezed his hand tighter.

"Who will sing to Parker? You know it can't be me - I can't carry a tune in a bucket." She laughed a little remembering the wails of their son when she attempted the lullaby that worked so well when Wade sang it. "Park needs you. Cora needs you too. I need you. You have to wake up Wade. Your family needs you. Come on Wade!" She could hear her voice start to sound panicky and break. "Wade you have to wake up. Open your eyes, squeeze my hand, anything! Give me something to let me know you are going to stay with me with. Please Wade. I love you and I need you to wake up."

"Doc." the word barely a whisper, but it was enough. He was awake even as his eyes remained closed.

"Wade, oh thank God!" She began kissing his hand over and over.

"Cora?" She knew what he asked. She'd been in the car with Wade when they had been struck.

"She's ok. Barely a scratch on her. Very mild concussion and she got two stitches on her arm, but she's going to be fine. You kept her safe." She squeezed his hand again. "You took the brunt of the impact. She was safe in her carseat, because you refuse to let her ride in the booster like her brother. It's you that kept her safe Wade. You kept our daughter safe."

Wade stayed still, eyes still closed, only his lips moving slightly as he spoke. "How bad off am I?"

Zoe's stomach dropped at the question. _Bad._ Instead she said "Still sexy as hell, even if quite a bit beat up."

The corner of his mouth turned up slightly at that. The barest hint of the classic Wade grin she loved so much.

* * *

 **I took this section down for a while because I thought "Can I really do this to Wade?!" I tried to change it so his life wouldn't be a hard - but that's not how the story wants to go.**

 **Let me know what you think and thanks so much for reading and commenting!**  
 **-E**


	4. Chapter 4

When the team of medical staff came in to assess Wade, Zoe squeezed his hand once more and stepped out to let everyone know that Wade had woken up. While he was far from out of the woods, it felt like the looming specter of death had taken a step back.

"He woke up!" Zoe announced to the waiting room at Mobile Memorial Hospital. They may have been in Mobile, but it looked like all of Bluebell was there at 4:30 in the morning. Suddenly she was surrounded by the biggest group hug she ever could have imagined. Her closest friends, Lavon and Lemon, AB and George, plus May and Earl, Cricket, Dash, Sergeant Jefferies, Sulah, Delma, and more. Everyone was there to support her and Wade.

And then the questions began.

"Will he be alright?"

"When is he coming home?"

"I heard he lost his leg, is that true?"

"Is he going to be able to keep the Rammer Jammer?"

"Does he know that man who hit him died?"

"What about Cora? How is she?"

Zoe's head was swimming. She didn't have any answers.

"Alright now, that's enough!" Boomed a deep voice. "Lavon Hayes says it is time to give Zoe some space. Town meeting at 8am. Back in Bluebell and I expect you all to be there."

Lavon directed the townspeople out of the waiting room. Looking worried, but relieved at the same time, they filed past Zoe.

"He's a strong young man Dr. Hart, we know he'll pull through this."

Zoe nodded in agreement, "Thanks Delma"

"Zo, let me know if you need anything." George wrapped her in a hug. "AB and I are staying at the Whippoorwill, you say the word and we will be here."

"And if you want any of us to stay now, we will." AB put in.

"No, thanks. You all go get some rest. Town meeting in just a few hours. I'm going to go back in with Wade. I'll check in with Lavon before then." She looked at are friends, gratitude in her eyes. "Thank you for coming. I don't know how I would have survived these past few days without you."

Giving them all one last hug she went in to be with her husband.

The first thing she noticed when she walked in was that the head of his bed was raised up a little higher and that Wade's eyes were finally open. A brown so deep they were almost black. "Hey there beautiful." He drawled as she came to sit next to him, lowering the bed rail so she could be closer to him.

"You scared the crap out of me. You know that?" She fought back the urge to punch him on the shoulder.

"Just do it."

"What?"

"Punch me, I know you want to. Just do it. It'll make me feel normal for a second." His eyes started to close again, as if fighting sleep.

She punched him. Lightly on the shoulder. But enough to elicit a groan from him. "Hey now."

"Sorry, but you asked me to."

"I know, I know." He started to shift his body but groaned louder and stopped. "It feels like I've been hit by a truck."

"It was a car actually."

"Seriously? It feels like a Mac truck."

"Nope, Dodge Charger." _A blue one, with a dead man behind the wheel. Well, dead by the time the ambulance arrived._ Zoe felt the color drain from her face.

"That's a sweet ride. I've always liked the Charger. Was kind of thinking about getting one once the SS finally gave up the ghost."

"Well, the SS isn't coming back from this. But no. NO. You can't have a Charger after what one did to you."

"Aw come on Doc."

"NO!" Her voice came out much stronger than she meant it too. "I can't."

"Zo. It's ok, I was just teasing. After this I'm thinking 1980's Volvo station wagon." He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ears.

Zoe sniffed. "That sounds like a good idea."

"And I'm putting Parker back in the 5-point harness. I don't care that he's almost 8 years old. Maybe one for you too. It kept Cora safe, I want you all in one." He was joking, but Zoe knew he was more than halfway serious. Wade was fiercely protective of his children. He valued his family above all things. "Cora is ok, right? I remember you saying that, but tell me again."

"Cora is fine. I think they kept her admitted this long mainly for my sake. So I could focus on you and know that she was being taken care of." She brought her gaze to his and saw the worry in his face. "Cora is perfect, really. Like I said, two stitches in her arm that's all."

He swallowed and nodded slightly, even that small movement paining him. "How many in me?"

Zoe knew that question cost him. It was the segway she'd been hoping to avoid a little while longer. She didn't know if she was ready to inform him of the seriousness of his injuries. But it couldn't be avoided forever, or even a little longer it seemed. "258, not counting the internal sutures." She watched his eyes close as he processed this information. "Plus two or three more when they take out your chest tube."

"I'm a damn Frankenstein." He whispered.

"Nah, no neck bolts last time I checked." She leaned over him. "Nope, no bolts." She brought her lips gently to his. He tasted medicinal and metallic, but it didn't matter, they both needed this.

"Lavon Hayes calls this meeting to order." It was a standing room only crowd at 8am. And while some of them couldn't remember the last time they'd actually slept, himself included, they were all there and eager to help. Lavon couldn't remember ever being so proud to be this town's mayor. "As you all know, one of our own has fallen, and it is our job to pick him back up again." The crowd rumbled their agreement. "Wade has a long hard road ahead of him and we, the fine people of Bluebell, are going to do everything in our power to make that road easier. We are a town that pulls together and supports each other, and ya'll have proven your support by being here this morning. Thank ya'll for being here. I know it means a lot to both Wade and Dr. Hart that you are all so willing to step up for them."

Lavon then began to outline the plans to make the road smoother for Wade, literally. "I'm going to be installing a paved path between the Carriage House, the Gatehouse and the Plantation proper. It's a big job, but it'll make things easier on them." The town murmured its approval and several people volunteered to help.

The volunteers kept coming and soon everything from meals for the family and child care, to who would pick up the extra shifts and take care of deliveries at the Rammer Jammer was settled. Lavon sent the town off to begin taking care of what had become one of the most important families in Bluebell.

"10 years ago who would have thought that an interloping New Yorker and a troublemaking bartender would mean so much to this town?" Lemon asked as she slipped her arm around her husband's waist.

"Aw, they were never that bad."

"Oh yes they were! I swear I thought Zoe Hart was going to bring the walls of Bluebell crumbling town. And Wade? Well, let's just say no one ever expected much from him." She looked up into Lavon's eyes. "But they both mean the world to me and everyone in Bluebell. I can't imagine what she's going through, to see her husband like that, barely alive and torn apart. Don't you ever do that to me Lavon. Don't you ever scare me the way he scared her."

Lavon shook his head, too full of emotion to speak.

"Good." With a deep breath she reigned in the tears that were on the verge of falling. "Now we have work to do. Cora will be ready to come home any moment, I've got to get myself back over to Mobile." She hugged him again and headed for the door.

"Lemon?" She looked back at her husband's voice. "You drive carefully. I couldn't survive a day without you. Make sure I never have to."

* * *

 **Thank you for all the feedback. It is driving me to write this more quickly than I expected! I'm just as excited as you to see where this ends up.**

 **-E**


	5. Chapter 5

Wade woke up from a much needed nap to a familiar whimper. Standing in the doorway was his dad, tears streaming down his face.

"Earl, quit your blubbering and get over here." Wade motioned to the empty chair next to his bed. But Earl just paced the room trying to get control over himself. It had been an almost impossible to stand few days for the older man, who had always been too emotional for his own good. He felt things deeply, like his son. But instead of playing off his feelings with a joke and a smile, Earl buried his feeling in a bottle.

"Earl...tell me you haven't been drinking."

Earl straightened up at that. "I haven't! I wouldn't! I've been sober for years now, I'm not going back to that. Especially not after finding out a drunk driver almost killed my son and grandbaby." Earl shut his eyes against the pain of that thought. "Oh god, 7 years ago that could have been me behind that wheel." More tears slid down the old man's face.

"But it wasn't you, Pop." Wade said quietly. "Come sit with me until Zoe gets back."

Earl sat down in the offered chair, looking more exhausted than even Wade felt. "When is the last time you slept Earl?"

"I don't even know what day it is. I haven't slept since I got that call about your accident."

"Earl, you've got to sleep."

"I couldn't. Not until I could see with my own eyes that you were ok...alive."

"Well, as you can see I'm alive, if not entirely ok." He sighed and winced at the sharp pain in his ribs. "Close your eyes Earl."

His father did, holding on tightly to his son's hand. Wade began to hum softly then started singing, the same song he used to lull his son to sleep, the song that had brought his dad down from the roof of the hardware store every month for years and years. The song so dear to him it felt etched on his bones. " _Moon River, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style some day. You dream maker. You heart-breaker. Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way. Two drifters, off to see the world, there's such a lot of world to see.._."

He felt as much as heard when Earl drifted off to sleep. His tight grip relaxing. To the rhythmic rumbling of his father's snore Wade replayed his earlier conversation with Zoe. They had talked together for nearly an hour, hands entwined - as close as they could be given the circumstances. He still wasn't sure if he was glad it was Zoe that had broken the news to him, or if he would have rather it been some nameless doctor he could spend the rest of his life hating for telling him just how much his life had been changed. But in the end it was Zoe who laid it all out for him.

 _"_ _Medically it's called 'modified hip disarticulation'. Basically they had to remove your leg up to the hip. I know it sounds trite, but you really are lucky." He'd snorted at that. Lucky was decidedly not how he was feeling. "I saw the x-ray, it really was the only option. The fact that they were able to save even a little of the hip joint and femur is...well...amazing."_

He looked down at the emptiness where his leg should be. It was disorienting. She'd explained how he'd have to relearn how to sit because his balance would be so off. How he'd have to relearn how to walk with a prosthetic, and that unfortunately because of how high they had to amputate, the prosthetic would cause as many problems as it solved. She'd put it all out there, the good, the bad and the very ugly.

And then they'd cried together. Her tears out of relief as much as loss. His with the realization that his place in the world had drastically and irrecoverably shifted. The only thing keeping him from all out sobbing was the pain his broken ribs caused if he took a deep breath. But tears had fallen until he thought he'd drown in them.

 _"_ _So, uh, did 'not so little Wade' survive?" He'd silently begged_ please, please, please _._ _It was something he probably should have checked himself, but couldn't bring himself to do._

 _A smile crept across Zoe's face, the first one he'd seen since this painful conversation began. "'Not so little Wade' is blessedly unscathed. I checked...twice."_

 _"_ _That's my girl. Looking out for what really matters." He'd winked at her then, finding his own smile._

 _"_ _What really matters is you Wade. Not any one part of you. You. Your leg doesn't matter, the scars you are sure to have don't matter, none of those things matter. You are alive and still you, that's what matters." She'd kissed him then, full on the mouth and not as gently as before. He'd kissed her back, wanting to prove to himself, as much as to her, that he really was alive and not going anywhere._

A light knock on the door brought him back to the present. George Tucker stood at the door. Wade motioned for quiet, "I don't want to wake him yet." He whispered.

"I never thought it would be this good to see you." Tucker said, pulling another chair up to Wade's bed, avoiding Earl's outstretched legs.

"Helluva way to be seen."

"AB and I drove down from Nashville thinking we would coming to say our goodbyes. The fact that we are talking now, makes me want to kiss you."

"Now back up there Golden Boy, nothing like that is called for."

George made kissy lips causing them both to laugh. Wade clutched his ribs. "Dammit George, don't make me laugh."

"Sorry, sorry!" George held up his hands.

"Have you heard anything about the guy who hit me? All I've gotten is that he drove a Charger - and now I'm not allowed to get one of these." Wade pulled a fake pout.

"Not much really." George said with a shake of his head. "He was drunk and speeding. Coming into town from Mobile it seems. No one knows what he was doing heading into Bluebell, he probably didn't know either considering his blood alcohol level. And now we'll probably never know. He was DOA."

They sat in silence after that. Too many thoughts in each man's head, neither one ready to voice them.

" _Moon River and me_ …" a sleepy voice broke the silence as Earl rolled over to his side. Wade looked over at his dad, glad he was there.

"Zoe says you asked her not to bring the kids up to see you." George finally voiced the real reason he stopped by. "They are dying to see you man. AB and I were with Parker this afternoon and he asked for you every other minute."

Wade looked down at his broken body, "I can't let them see me like this. It'll give them nightmares." George started to interrupt. "No, here me out. I don't look like their dad right now. I look like a half made Frankenstein's Monster and I'm not going to scare them by letting them come in here. Look around Tucker, this is no place for a kid."

"They need to know you are alright."

"Zoe's told them."

"It's not the same and you know it."

Wade nodded. "Yeah." They were quiet again for awhile before Wade spoke up. "I'm scared. What if they don't look at me the same?"

"Wade, you are the best father I know. Lavon says the same thing. So does anyone who's ever seen you with Park or Cora. Your kids adore you, that's not going to change."

"What if I can't be a good enough dad to them now?" His voice barely above a whisper betraying his biggest fear in the face of everything.

"I never understood why you stuck with me." Earl mumbled, still turned away in his chair.

"Earl?" Wade questioned.

Earl sat up and faced his son. "You should have abandoned me long ago. I failed you as a father time and time again but you still loved me, still took care of me when I should have been the one taking care of you. If anyone wasn't a 'good enough' dad it was me. But you turned out ok. And I know that, despite it all, you love me. Your kids will always love you and nothing will stop you from being a good father."

"Earl's right."

"Yeah Tucker. I hope like hell he's right."

* * *

 **Thanks so much for reading. I can't even tell you how much it means that you are enjoying my story. I hope this section was satisfiying for everyone wanting to know how Wade reacted to the news about his leg.**

 **Thanks again!**

 **-E**


	6. Chapter 6

"No. No. No" Lavon drawled, "It's a terrible plan."

"It's not." Wade assured, "It's a good plan."

"Lavon Hayes thinks you're being an idiot and your plan sucks."

Wade let out a sigh, bringing his hands behind his head, feeling the hair that was just starting to grow back. He hoped the scar that ran from his left ear to the crown of his head would soon be totally hidden. "It's a good plan, and it's the one that's happening. So stop yapping and help me pack." Wade shoved the last of his clothes into a duffel. "I need to be home tonight. Tonight, Lavon. I can't take it anymore. I need my own bed, my own stuff." A loud phlegmy cough interrupted his rant. "I need to not hear Mr. Matthew's nasty cough every 5 minutes." He grimaced, "I need to get the hell out of here. Now!"

"Come on man, Zoe and the kids are coming Sunday morning to pick you up."

"That's exactly why I want to go now. I have seen my kids exactly _once_ in six weeks. I'm not gonna wait another 46 hours for them to come get me when I can be home in less than 5." He zipped up the bag with a little more force than necessary. "Plus that's less time they have to spend in the car." Wade hated to admit it, but he was more than a little shaken up over his kids and Zoe driving up here - or anywhere for that matter. In fact he'd been furious with Zoe for driving them all up for a surprise visit to the rehab center in Birmingham.

It hadn't been a good day. Wade had been coming back to his room exhausted after a grueling morning attempting to walk on a poorly fitting prosthesis. His whole body had ached. All he'd wanted to do was take a nap before his afternoon session. Take a nap and maybe punch something. Everything was harder and taking twice as long as he thought it would. His frustration level had been at an all time high. He'd wheeled into his room to find Parker staring at him, his back to the window that overlook the parking lot. Cora and Zoe had been sitting on the bed reading a picture book. "What the?!"

"Daddy!" Cora had jumped off the bed and leapt onto him with such force they'd rolled backwards.

"Cora, sweetie. We talked about this." Zoe'd run over and had attempted to extract their daughter from Wade's lap. "You have to be gentle with Daddy. Now hop down."

"No she doesn't." Wade'd glared at his wife. "Daddy is fine, sugar. You don't have to go anywhere." 'What the hell?' He'd telegraphed to Zoe as he'd kissed Cora on the top of her head. It'd felt so good to hold his daughter again. The only thing that'd felt good. The awkward tension in the room rising by the moment. Cora the only one that seemed at all at ease as she'd rested her head on Wade chest.

"Parker? How's it going?" Wade had asked his son as he'd shifted Cora on his lap, hoping that Park would come over to him. He hadn't moved since Wade had come into view. He'd just stood there, staring at this father.

"How come you're in a wheelchair?" Parker had finally asked, "Mom said you can walk."

Seven year olds - always direct and to the point. Wade had taken a deep breath, glad his ribs were finally healed up enough to do that. "I am learning Park. Sometimes I'm too tired and the chair makes it easier to get where I need to be."

"Are you going to be like that when you get home?" A deep crease had furrowed onto the little boys forehead. Disgust?

"Using a wheelchair? I don't know Park." He'd snapped, "It depends on how things go." He'd been suddenly consumed with exhaustion and anger. He hadn't liked this line of questioning, nor how far away Parker had been standing. He hadn't liked that they were there when he looked like shit; sweaty and tired and the stitches on his shaved head still painfully clear, and the bruise on his cheek a nasty yellow-green. Hadn't he and Zoe talked about this? About the kids not seeing him until he didn't look so damn scary?

"Hey guys, I saw a vending machine on the way in. Why don't you go get a snack while I talk to your dad." Zoe had fished two bucks out of her bag and handed them to Parker.

"You too Cora, pick out something good for me." Wade had kissed her head one more time before setting her on the ground. Parker'd grabbed her hand and all but pulled her out the door.

"What the hell, Zo?" Wade'd erupted when the kids were out of sight, "We had an agreement."

"They missed you."

"I talk to them every night on the phone!"

"It's not the same and you know it. They needed to see you. To know you are okay." Her voice had been shaky, almost on the verge of tears.

"You could have warned me. I'd of taken it easy today so I'd be in better shape to see them." He'd gripped the push rims of the chair, his whole body tense. "Worn a damn hat."

"You look fine. Cora wasn't bothered at all." Zoe had tried to soothe.

Through clenched teeth Wade had spat, "Parker was."

"Parker's been...he's having a hard time without you home. That's the main reason we made this trip. He needs you."

Wade had felt all his fury blow right out of him. His son needed him and he'd snapped at him. This was not how he'd wanted this to go. "Zo."

She'd come over to him then. "I missed you too." Her voice had been barely above a whisper.

"Come here." He'd pulled her down into a hug.

"Ugh, you're all sweaty." She'd laughed pushing him away.

"That's what you get for showing up unannounced." He'd held her closer. "Deal with the stank, woman." Then he'd kissed her, weeks of missing her pouring out of him. His bad day forgotten, because she was in his arms.

"Wade," She'd laughed, "They'll be back any second."

"Like they've never walked in on us making out before."

Zoe and the kids stuck around for a few hours, he'd given them a tour of the place, and they'd gotten ice cream at the shop down the road. By the time they'd left some of the tension was gone; but as they'd said their goodbyes Parker'd hung back, refusing to hug his dad. That had hurt, but he understood it too.

"Call me as soon as you get home." Wade had told Zoe, his eyes serious. "And every time you stop anywhere." He'd looked at the clock, worry lines etched in his face "Jeeze, I should have sent you home earlier. It's going to be dark before you get to Bluebell."

"We will be fine." She'd assured.

And they had been, he reminded himself now. Zoe had called when they got home. And during their nightly calls over the past weeks things did seem better. Parker, a bit more talkative. But Wade knew the only way things would really get better with his son was for them to spend time together. And he wanted to start that as soon as possible. He needed to get home. Now.

"Lavon, why are you even here if you weren't coming to spring me?" He threw himself back down on the bed in frustration.

"I wanted to see for myself how you were doing..."

"And?"

"And convince you to stay longer if you needed the time."

"I knew it!" Wade sat up, glaring at his friend.

"You hear me out. When you get home you will be back in the thick of it. Being a dad, a husband, running the Rammer Jammer. This is the only time you are going to have to just focus on you. I don't want you to rush that. Not when staying longer could do you some good."

"Trust me, _this_ ," he motioned to his leg, er lack-of-leg, and the crutches leaning against the bed, " _This_ , is as good as it's gonna get. More time here isn't gonna change a damn thing." He slapped his hands down on the bed, "Now com'on, either you drive me home tonight, or I'm calling a cab. Either way, I'm outta here."

"You can't afford that kinda cab fare." Lavon quipped.

"Then you better start hauling my bags to your car, buddy."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! I hope you are enjoying this, I'm loving writing it for you.**

 **-E**


	7. Chapter 7

Lavon gave up on small talk after the first 100 miles into the nearly 5 hour trip home from Birmingham. Wade's silence was punctuated only by the wincing noises he made whenever a car zoomed past them. He was more shaken up to be in a car than he thought he'd be. He'd been pretty sedated for the ride up, and now regretted not taking the offered Xanax before hitting the road - and then rolled his eyes at ever being the kind of man who even thought about taking a Xanax.

The center in Birmingham had helped him a lot; the remains of his leg was healing nicely, he'd learned to maneuver well on a pair of sleek black forearm crutches, and his balance was better. Yeah, being there for several weeks focusing on nothing but healing and getting used to his changed body had been the right thing to do, but home was where he needed to be now and he knew it. If only this godforsaken car ride would end.

Keeping his eyes closed seemed to be the only way to keep the panic at bay and eventually he fell into a dreamless sleep. An hour or so later he woke to Lavon tapping him on the shoulder. "Hey, we're almost home."

Wade rubbed his eyes and looked around as they passed the _Welcome to Bluebell_ sign. Home. He drew his hand across his mouth and sucked in a breath, suddenly anxious to be back in the town he'd hardly spent more than a few days away from in his whole life before these past 6 weeks. And here he was returning broken and slinking back in the middle of the night. Maybe Lavon had been right and this wasn't a great plan after-all.

"Hey man, just stop here will you?" Wade asked Lavon as they pulled in front of the Mayor's House.

"You sure?" Lavon asked eagerly, hoping to see the reunion of Wade and his family himself. "I can drive you all the way down to the Carriage House."

"Nope, this is, ah...I need to do this myself." He looked at the bags in the backseat. "I'll get those from you tomorrow. Nothing I need tonight anyway." With a decisive nod of his head he opened the car door, placed his crutches down on the hard-packed Alabama soil and stepped out of the car. "It's good to be back in Bluebell." He said brightly, trying to convince himself of the truth in that statement. He took a deep breath, the familiar smell of the Plantation calming him; water, with a gamey hint of alligator - a welcome change from the potent combination of sweat and sanitizer of the rehab center.

"Thanks for the ride Lavon, I owe ya." Without a look back or a bit of hesitation Wade headed down the path for home.

When Lavon reached his front door, Wade's bags in hand, Lemon was waiting for him. "Was that Wade?" She asked in disbelief.

"Uh-huh."

"I thought you were going up there to convince him to stay longer, not come home sooner!" She admonished.

Lavon stashed the bags near the kitchen door, "and when has trying to convince Wade Kinsella of anything ever worked?"

"Fair point." She sighed. Turning to her husband, her long silky nightgown swishing against her legs, she reached up on tiptoe and kissed him, "I missed you."

Lavon reached down, placing his large hand across the gentle swell of her abdomen. "You know, we're gonna have to tell them soon."

"I know," she rested her head against her husband's chest, "but it feels to wrong to be so happy when they have so many struggles ahead of them."

"It's still just Zoe and Wade. No matter what they are going through, they'll be happy for us, I know they will."

She nodded, but knew in her heart it was too soon. She'd wait to tell them until things were more settled.

Wade felt like a stalker to his own family. But he couldn't seem to make himself take those last steps or let them know he was there. He just stood on the porch watching his family. The flimsy screen door the only tangible barrier between him and them - but so much more stood in his way.

So he watched them through the front window. His form blending into the shadows of the porch. He watched as Zoe picked a sleeping Cora up from the sofa and flicked off the tv. "Shh, I've got you sweetie." She lulled, making her way to the stairs. Cora looked far too big for Zoe to manage and the urge to rush in and take over was quelled only as he tried to take a step towards them - with the leg that wasn't there anymore. He quickly righted himself, bracing with his crutches and cursing silently. His stomach clenching at the realization that he would never again carry his sleeping daughter up to her bed.

Wade's attention shifted to movement coming from the open-plan kitchen. Zoe's opulent bathroom had been downsized, replaced by the kitchen that extended out into what had been her bedroom. He'd rebuilt this whole place himself the year after Parker was born. The short walk to Lavon's kitchen impossibly long at 2am when bottles needed heating. Plus it had just been time. If this was going to be his family's home, and there was no doubt that it would be, then he was going to make it the best home possible. And he had. He was proud of every wall. Three bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs - complete with the old cast iron tub Zoe loved so much. Getting that sucker up to the addition had been nothing short of a miracle, although the real miracle might be that lightning didn't smite them all due to the abundant and varied curse words that were uttered as he, Lavon, and George hauled that heavy thing into what would be the master bathroom.

He'd kept the construction to the back of the house, not wanting to alter the original look of the Carriage House too much. Now there was a beautiful dining area, an office for Zoe, and a screened-in porch where their once had only been a yard of muck and weeds. Yeah, he was proud of his work. Proud of the home he'd built for his family, but most of all, of the family he'd built with Zoe inside that home.

He watched now as Parker threw himself down on the sofa. A bowl of dry cereal in one hand, his tablet in the other. He seemed to have grown taller, lankier, in Wade's few weeks away. His blond hair too long, it kept falling into his eyes and he kept blowing it back. _You need a haircut kid._

Zoe came back down the stairs. "Off to bed Park."

"Come on mom I'm not done building my house!" Their son whined. _Minecraft_ , that kid was addicted.

"No. It's almost ten o'clock. I let you stay up so we could finish the movie, but now you have to go to bed."

"Can I finish my snack first?"

Zoe sighed as she took the tablet from Parker and walked over to the kitchen counter to plug it in. "Sure, just be sure to brush your teeth once you're done." Parker started for the stairs, grumbling the whole way up. "I'll be up to tuck you in." Zoe hollered after him as she collapsed down on the sofa with a plop. She looked exhausted.

In all his worry over the past weeks, about the kids, the Rammer Jammer, himself, he hadn't been concerned enough about her. She seemed so capable. She'd come into her own as a mother, as much as he had as a father - if not more. So many of her neurotic tendencies had vanished in the face of their new life. She even had a good relationship with her mother, being a mother herself helped her understand the choices her mom had made, easing their relationship considerably. Zoe and Lemon were practically inseparable now - which still blew his mind, truth be told. Even during the weeks he'd been in the hospital and Zoe'd been with him daily, she had been so...together. So his Zoe, his rock. How much had she been struggling these past weeks? And how would he ever make it up to her?

He watched her for a few minutes as she flipped through a magazine on the sofa, waiting for the sounds of Park to finally settle into bed before she went back up to tuck him in.

When she was out of sight Wade maneuvered his way off the porch and around to the Gatehouse. Not much had changed beyond the addition of a smattering of kids toys since his bachelor days in the house. It still featured a large TV and sofa for video gaming, his bed - although the only action it saw these days was the occasional mid-day nap. His office was here now too. His desk littered with paperwork from the Rammer Jammer. He ignored it and went to lay down on the bed. Exhausted from the emotional fallout of being back in Bluebell, of seeing his family operating without him. Being back here felt both right and wrong, but he knew something that would make it feel better. He fished his phone out of his pocket and sent a quick text.

 _I'm in the Gatehouse._

* * *

 **Wade is back in Bluebell at last! What do you think about his stealthy arrival? I hope I answered everyone's questions about their living arrangements without it seeming too forced. I see this house being very much a point of pride for Wade.**

 **This the last segment that I had drafted in my head, so it may be a little longer between updates from now on.**

 **Thanks so much for all your comments. It really makes my day.**

 **-E**


	8. Chapter 8

Zoe checked on her sleeping children one more time before heading to bed herself. She felt a little bad about it, but her children were just that much sweeter when they were asleep. Sleep stilled Cora's million daily questions that were getting harder and harder to answer. Parker looked so peaceful and happy when he was asleep; not like the sullen, stand-offish child who had replaced her sweet boy in recent weeks. She closed her eyes, leaning against the door frame to Parker's room.

So much had changed since that terrible night. She wished she could reverse time and keep Wade and Cora from going out that night. It was supposed to have been a fun night out. Daddy-Daughter date night, which rolled off the tongue so much better than Mother-Son date night, which is where she and Parker had been when they got the call. She wondered if they would ever go out like that again.

Turning back to her bedroom she stripped off her clothes for the night and slipped into a faded grey henley that hung nearly to her knees. She'd been wearing one of Wade's shirts to bed every night, the smell of him still lingering on the soft cotton. She missed her husband. "Just two more days," she reminded herself.

He'd called early today, right after Parker had arrived at her office after school. It was a quick chat; he'd been interrupted by someone arriving and cut the call short. She wanted to call him now but worried about waking him, knowing how hard he'd been working during the day and how much he needed his sleep. _Two more days._

She was just about to climb into bed when her phone chirped. Looking down she read the text.

 _I'm in the Gatehouse._

 _What was taking Zoe so long?_ It's not like he actually expected her to materialize at the Gatehouse door the moment he sent the text. Well, thinking about it, that's exactly what he expected. But it hadn't happened. _Where was she? Maybe she didn't have her phone on her, or maybe one of the kids woke up. Maybe she doesn't want to see you._ He tried to push that particular thought out of his head knowing it wasn't true. But it kept coming back. _Why would she want you like this?_

Because she was Zoe, _his_ Zoe. They'd built a life together. A good one. He had proven time and time again that he was worthy of her. Of this life. _Not anymore._ He felt himself starting to slip into that dark place that he'd found himself all too often in Birmingham. With a groan Wade rolled over, pulling the old blanket from the foot of the bed up over himself. She wasn't coming.

Zoe looked at the text message again. _I'm in the Gatehouse_. Yep, the text came from Wade, her earlier text conversations with him confirming the new message on the screen. _But how? Why? Even if he did find away to come home early, why not just actually come home? Why go to the Gatehouse?_

She looked out the window that overlooked the pond and squinted into the darkness. She couldn't see any lights on in the Gatehouse. Could Wade really be over there? Only one way to find out.

After checking on their sleeping children one last time, and throwing on some lipstick, she grabbed her shoes and a flashlight. Zoe slipped out of the house into the moonlit night. As she rounded the bend she was thankful that Lavon had paved the path between the houses. Even after all these years, she felt more comfortable stepping on concrete than she did on dirt. Still, her walk to the Gatehouse was slow and cautious as she paused with every rustle in the foliage. Her mind filled with a jumble of thoughts. _Wade is waiting for me. Oh my god, some psycho stole his phone and is waiting for me. No, that's silly. Wade is waiting…_

"Dammit," she said out loud as she realized that one fleeting psycho-killer thought was going to win out over any rational thought. She stopped in her tracks and ran back to the house grabbing Parker's baseball bat from the front hall. Then she cautiously picked her way back to the Gatehouse, flashlight turned off this time - not wanting to give the psycho advanced warning of her arrival.

She stood at the door listening for any sound. At first she heard nothing beyond her own breathing and the nocturnal noises of the plantation. Then she heard - it a rustle and groan from inside. Someone was in there. Praying that it was actually Wade, but bracing herself for someone much more nefarious, she swung open the door, bat at the ready.

"What do you want with me?!" She yelled into the darkness swinging the bat in a protective arch.

The light beside the bed flicked on. "What the hell, Doc?"

Zoe took a deep breath and lowered the bat. "You could have been a psycho killer luring me into a trap!"

He looked at her in disbelief. "That's what took you so long? You thought a killer was waiting for you? In the Gatehouse?" Zoe shifted uncomfortably causing Wade's expression to soften, "but you came anyway…"

Zoe looked up, "well, it could have been you...I was hoping it was you."

"That why you came without pants?" Wade grinned. "Get over here."

She did, practically leaping into bed next to him and smothering him with kisses. "You're home, you're home, I can't believe you're home!"

"Couldn't stay away a moment longer," murmuring, "missed you too much" between kisses. He pulled her down beside him, tucking her up against his right side and wrapping the covers around her too. He felt almost normal with her here beside him like this. "So let me get this straight," he kissed her forehead like he'd done a thousand-thousand times before, "you thought there might be a psycho killer waiting for you in the Gatehouse but instead of, I don't know, calling me, or sending Lavon down to check it out. You decide to come charging in with a baseball bat and no pants?"

"Yeah," she snuggled closer to him, "maybe not my best plan ever, but," she made a thoughtful face, "honestly I've had worse."

"Yeah you have." He agreed with a laugh. "I'm glad you came down though." He laced their fingers together, "I was beginning to think you were't."

"Speaking of bad plans, Dum-Dum." She sat up and looked at him in the moonlight. "You could have just called me." Her lips brushed his cheek, "or, I don't know, come up to the house where we actually live." She kissed his other cheek, "but no-no, you go with texting and waiting in a dark, practically abandoned building," she brought her lips to his, "like some kind of creep."

Wade chuckled at this. "Maybe not my finest hour then either."

"Nope. But it's a good thing you're hot." She continues lavishing light kisses across his face.

"Much can be forgiven if you are hot enough." He agreed a true smile breaking across his face, as much from her kisses as the sentiment.

"A fact that you, Wade Kinsella, have been known to take way too much advantage of." Her lips dipped to the hollow of his neck.

His smile faded, "yeah well, probably not as much opportunity for that from here on in." His fingers finding the edge of the scar that peeked out of his hairline marring his forehead.

"Haven't you heard? Scars are sexy." She brought her lips to the raised line, "in fact I'm surprised you didn't manufacture some long ago to lure in the ladies."

He shrugged in mock modesty, "Never needed to. The ladies just naturally flock to me. They can't help it."

"And talk like that'll get you sleeping here, not back in our bed where you belong." Zoe rested her hand low, very low, on his abdomen causing him to take a sharp inhale.

"You know Doc, I hate to be anywhere I don't belong." He wrapped his arms around her pulling her close, "but what do you say we stay here...just a bit longer."

* * *

 **Of course he texted Zoe! Who else but the love of his life?!**

 **Ok everyone, how...explicit can I get? I mean ratings wise? I don't want to make things too detailed, but come on, it's Wade and Zoe.  
**

 **Thanks for all your input!**

 **-E**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi all, just a note that this chapter is more toward the M side of things ratings wise, specifically in the first few paragraphs. If you'd rather not read that, but still want to keep up with the rest of the story then scroll down a little bit or PM me and I'll send you an edited version. Thank you to KSD17 for Beta Reading the M section, I really appreciated the feedback.**  
 **I hope you all enjoy this one!**

* * *

Wade needed to touch her. To feel every inch of her body, to know that she was here and she was his. "Lay back." He whispered as she shifted against his body. "Let me remember you."

He started kissing and nuzzling her; cheeks, ears, lips, neck. Moving down to her collarbone. She let out a squeak as his hand caressed her breast. Her nipples hard under his shirt, her body calling out for him. Wade grinned, loving the way she writhed under his touch. Loving that he was able to bring her pleasure.

He pulled up her shirt and let his hands roam over her bare body, kissing her taught stomach, letting his tongue graze her navel. He shucked her panties next, groaning in pleasure at just the sight of her laid out before him. Her moved down to lavish her with the most intimate of kisses. Delighting in every squirm and pulsation of her body. He took his time, exploring her every fold. Long strokes of his tongue danced across her intimate places already wet with desire - for him. Fingers dipping into her, every touch a remembrance. He knew her body inside and out and was overcome with such an overwhelming need to meld his body with hers. To be one with her again. Instead he thrust his fingers in deeper, caressing the warmth of her body as he sucked her pearl, savoring the taste of her.

She shuddered in ecstasy. His name on her lips as she spiraled into bliss. _Wade_.

He had missed this almost as much as he's missed his family. He missed bringing Zoe pleasure, of knowing this was something he was good at, great at even. Over the past decade he'd practically worshiped Zoe's body. Reveling in its changes. Much to his surprise, he'd adored her rounded figure when she was carrying their children. The swell of her waist, and if he was honest, her breasts, had delighted him. After their children she never quite reached the waifish proportions she'd had when she arrived in town a decade ago. He thought her all the more beautiful now for the change. She was curves and softness that begged to be touched, held, caressed. To him, she was the pinnacle of perfection. He never wanted to be parted from her again.

When her body began to relax he moved slowly back up her body, trailing kisses in his wake. Wade lay back and Zoe draped her body across his chest, her head tucked under his chin, his arm around her shoulders and back. They'd lain together like this hundreds of times before, it felt so good to be back.

"I've missed you." Zoe lazily trailed her fingers across his chest and abdomen. Even in this relaxed posture, the hardness of his body was undeniable. He was all strength and solid muscle.

Security.

Wanting to give him the pleasure he had given her, she slid her hand down under his waistband. Instead she felt him tense with her movement. His whole body turned uncomfortably rigid. She stilled her fingers, "Wade, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," but he shifted, moving her hand away from his waistband and returning it to his chest. "Let's just lie here awhile. No need for anything else."

Zoe looked up at this, seeking explanation, his face betrayed his discomfort. "Wade?" He turned away. She moved back and whispered, "talk to me."

He cringed at the loss of her warmth, and pulled her back down to his chest, not wanting her to see his face. Not wanting to talk, just wanting to hold her and pretend this was enough.

Zoe waited out his silence. Knowing that for once she needed to just stay quiet and let him talk when he was ready. She ran her hand gently down his arm, needing the connection and knowing he needed it too. _You can tell me._ She silently urged.

"I…" Wade took a deep inhale and started again, "It's like …" he coughed lightly, "Zoe, I'm…" he faltered a third time, bringing his hand over his face. After a few beats he said slowly, "I'm not ready. Zoe, I'm just...not ready."

"Ok." Her reply simple and understanding at once, her fingers on his arm never faltering in their movement. She hadn't really expected him to be ready this soon. Yes, he was still Wade, but he had still suffered a terrible loss. His body changed forever. She knew he must have reservations about exposing those changes to her. But still, it was Wade, and the idea that Wade wasn't ready for sex seemed so out of character. It highlighted the deeper change she'd felt in her husband ever since that terrible night.

"You know I love you, right?" Zoe asked softly. He didn't say anything, but she felt him nod.

There were no more words after that. Both of them lost in thought - caught between wanting everything to be the way it had been, and knowing it never would be. They lay there in the inky darkness, the only illumination the weak glow of the bedside table. The world shifting around them.

The powerful emotions brought on by Wade's unexpected return combined with her earlier release lulled her into a light doze. She woke awhile later, still enclosed within Wade's arms, him running his hand rhythmically across her back. She wondered if he'd slept at all. She pulled back, studying him in the dim light. From the dark smudges under his eyes she guessed not.

"Come on, let's go home." She urged, "get some real sleep."

He shook his head slowly, his eyes haunted. "I'm not ready to...go home either."

The smallness of his voice troubled her more than his words. She knew it cost him to admit this, perhaps more than his unwillingness to bare his body to her.

"Ok." The simplest reply once again seeming like the best. She lay back down, head on his strong chest, "then we'll just stay here tonight." She kissed his shoulder through his shirt, attempting to reassure him that where he was, she too would be.

But he shook his head in protest. "I don't want to the kids waking up to an empty house. You need to go back to them."

She felt the same painful tug at her heart that she'd suffered when Cora was up in pediatrics, and he was still lying unconscious. Torn between needing to be both with her husband and her children. She closed her eyes, knowing that no matter which choice she made, part of her heart would remain elsewhere. Wade needed her, she could feel that need radiating off of him, but he was right, she couldn't let the children wake up alone - she'd been away too long already.

"Go back to the house, Zo." Wade urged softly, "I'll be fine here for the night. Go be there when the kids wake up."

Zoe looked up at him, "but what about you?"

He gave a smile - not fully a grin, but so much like himself that she forgave him its small size. "Well, this WAS my house for years, I think I can handle one more night."

"You shouldn't have to." Zoe protested hoping he would change his mind and come back to the house with her, but the look on his face kept her from pressing further. "Do you want me to tell the kids you're home, or do you want to surprise them? They aren't expecting you until Sunday."

He was quiet for a while, "don't tell them yet. I'll call you tomorrow and we can decide what to do. They need you at home now." He sat up, pulling her with him before kissing her once more and nudging her off the bed. "Go on. I'll be fine." But she didn't believe him. He wasn't fine and they both knew it.

Stopping by the door to put on her shoes and grab the flashlight, she looked back and said, "I love you." She considered adding on such qualifiers as 'still', 'always', or 'no matter what', but that felt wrong. She loved him. Pure and simple, no modifiers needed.

"Text me when you get home. Don't make we worry about you."

"Wouldn't dream of it." She gave him her best smile, "I have very fond memories of you in that bed." Wanting to leave on a positive note, "very fond, and very recent. I'm glad you're home." She slipped out the door.

As soon as she closed the door behind her her smile vanished. Tears streaked down her face, shooting stars in the moonlight.

Wade watched the door close behind her and began to shake uncontrollably. The undeniable realization of what had happened surging over him. He was not the man he once was. Part of his body had been torn away, and he would never be whole again. Never do the things a whole man did. That reality hit him so hard it took his breath away. "Shit!" He screamed between gasping breaths.

For weeks his sole focus had been healing, first enough to get out of the hospital, and then through rehab, all so he could get home. And once home he'd expected everything would just fall into place - to be his normal life again. And wouldn't. Ever. "Shit." He shouted again. A mix of frustration, anger and despair consuming him, choking him. He clawed at his shirt, needing air as a wave of panic hit him. He was home and home would never be the same. He was never going to be the same.

Wade closed and eyes and willed this all to be a bad dream. Nearly two months of fruitless begging, every night, for this all to be a dream did nothing to deter him from doing it again. _Please, God, let this be a nightmare, let me wake up and be me again._ His body shuddered again, rebelling against the knowledge that he was never going to be whole.

When the panic passed, and his body relaxed, he lay back and stared at the ceiling of the house he'd lived in for years, and it felt so lonely, so empty. The only time he'd ever felt less at home here was in those dark days after he'd driven Zoe away. He still hated himself for those long ago actions, hated that he'd ever hurt her that badly. Hated that he was hurting her now. And he was. He knew he was. He was going to hurt them all. The thought knifed through him. He didn't know it was possible to withstand this much pain.

 _I'm going to fail them. Every. Day._ Years of being the town failure should have made him immune to the emotion that thought surged through him. But it didn't. He'd grown so much from that ladies man bartender who never took life too seriously. He didn't want to go back to being a disappointment. _And that's what you'll be. How can you possibly do what you need to do for them in your condition? How will ever be the kind of dad you need to be? You know what it's like having a needy father, one who is unable to support himself let alone take care of you. You really think you'll be any different than that? You will be a burden to them_.

"Shut up" he told that nagging voice in his head. "Shut the hell up."

Zoe slipped back into the Gatehouse an hour later. Lavon was settled on the living room sofa, he'd all but run down when Zoe called and asked him to stay over and watch the kids. Assuring her that it was no problem. She was thankful to have such a good friend so close.

When she entered the room it was totally dark, "Zo? Why'd you come back?" Wade's voice called from the darkness.

She crept across the dark room to the bed. Purposely climbing into the left side of the bed. He tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let him get far. "I came back because I belong right here." She tucked herself up next to his body, the pillow damp with his tears.

"The kids?" He asked, his voice seeming far away.

"Lavon's there." She reached up and dashed a tear from his cheek. "I need you tonight."

He gave a mirthless sigh - she read the meaning loud and clear. "I do Wade. _I_. Need. You. This is not about you needing me. I'm the one being totally selfish tonight, the one who needs. I need my husband's arms around me. Can you do that for me?"

Wrapping her in his arms, he whispered into the sweetness of her hair, "Yeah, Doc. Yeah I can."

* * *

 **Woosh! That was a long one. I really hope you liked it, I'm still kind of reeling from writing it.**

 **As always, thanks so much for reading and reviewing.**

 **-E**


	10. Chapter 10

Zoe woke to an empty bed - again. She was a bit disoriented for a moment, the setting familiar but still not quite right. Remembering sleeping in the Gatehouse with Wade the night before, she looked around wondering where he went and why he'd left her to wake up alone. "Hasn't the past 6 weeks of waking up alone been enough?! _"_ She said to herself, "where is he? _"_

Zoe climbed out of bed and padded over to the front door, slipping on her shoes. There, leaning against the railing that overlooked the pond, was Wade. _Still as handsome as ever._ She thought as she stood in the doorway, admiring her husband. He'd come so far in the past decade, she couldn't help but be proud of him. It's not that she'd wanted to 'change him' from the guy she'd met when she first came to Bluebell. Ok, maybe she _had_ wanted to change some aspects of him - like his complete lack of drive in every aspect of his life save skirt chasing - but really he'd done all this growing on his own. He was a man she was proud to walk with, and the accident wasn't going to change that.

 _Plus he was still hot._ She laughed at herself as she ogled him. His shoulders seemed broader than before the accident. He looked stronger too, firmer - everywhere. Her eyes moved down his muscled back to his legs...leg. It was startling, he looked so normal otherwise, exactly her Wade, except it was like someone took an eraser to his left leg, it just wasn't there. But it didn't seem to bother him as he stood against the railing. It was then that she really took in his clothes.

"What the hell are you wearing?" She asked in surprise.

Wade turned around with a smooth hopping motion, keeping his hands on the railing behind him for support. "I know, right? I look like a damn hoops player." He was dressed in a fitted t-shirt, loose track pants with the left leg hemmed up, and a crosstrainer shoe. Zoe couldn't remember ever seeing him dressed like this.

"Have you ever even played basketball?" Zoe asked incredulously.

"Not dressed like this. I haven't." He looked down at his outfit, "this was kind of the unofficial rehab uniform," he replied with a shrug.

Zoe came closer eyeing the slightly shiny material, "are those track pants?!"

"I don't think you get to make comments about pants right now Doc." He motioned to her bare legs.

"Shut-up!" She laughed. "I left my pants behind in an effort to get to you more quickly. It was a noble cause."

"Very noble." He pulled her into him, both of them leaning against the railing. "And a very nice behind as well." He grinned as he ran his hand over her backside.

"Wade!" She laughed again, delighted at his playfulness.

"Come on, we best be putting some pants on you before the neighbors spot you."

"Sadly both Lavon and Lemon have already seen me sans pants. More times than I'd like to admit actually."

"Well, then let's not add to the count." He reached over and slipped his arms in the cuffs of his sleek black forearm crutches. "Let's get you home." He took a few swinging steps to the old patio table where his backpack sat. Zoe watched him move. This was really the first time she'd seen him up and walking. He'd been in a wheelchair during her one and only trip up to Birmingham and not even out of bed when he was still in the hospital in Mobile.

"You're moving better than I expected you would."

"Didn't I ever tell you about breaking my ankle in the 6th grade?" He slipped the backpack over his shoulder and replaced his arm into the crutch. "I was the King of Crutches." With a mischievous grin he added, "That's when Ginny Lynn Bogart kissed me for the first time."

She gave a mock exasperated sigh, "not Ginny Lynn. I like her, I don't want to have to add her to the list of women that have made out with my husband. The list is already far too long."

"If it helps you're the only one on the list of woman I _want_ to make out with."

She stood on tiptoe and kissed him, hard. "Yeah, that does actually help."

Zoe made him feel normal again. As they walked back to their house that's what he felt, _normal_. And considering the way he had felt last night, this was nigh on a miracle. Yes, he was on crutches, and yes he was still most decidedly down a limb, but when they were talking together, being together, he just felt like himself. It was nice.

Halfway there Zoe's phone pinged. "Lavon said he's taken the kids into town. We'll have the house to ourselves for a while." She smiled up at him.

Wade wasn't sure how he felt about this news. On one hand he was eager to see his kids, he missed Parker and Cora so much it hurt, but on the other hand he was relieved that he'd have the chance to clean up and get comfortable in the house again before they descended.

"I still can't believe you are wearing track pants and crosstrainers."

"Crosstrainer, Zo. Singular."

"That doesn't actually make it better."

"It makes it 50% better." He retorted.

"Yeah, NO." She giggled.

"Don't worry Doc. Getting back into my own boots is something I'm looking forward too. Right after showering in my own shower. Wearing my normal clothes, sleeping in my own bed, eating in my own kitchen. Kissing my own wife."

She shoved him lightly, luckily not hard enough to mess with his balance, "been kissing someone else's wife?" He just winked at her and grinned. "You're terrible you know that. If I wasn't so happy to have you back..." She mock threatened.

"I love you, Zo." The smile across his face radiated from his heart.

"I love you too, smartass."

By the time they reached the Carriage House Wade's arms were sore. _It wasn't even that far a walk_ , he lamented, but it was still farther than he was used to walking in one stretch. The comfortable sofa in the living room called to him like a siren's song.

"Oh bless them!" Zoe had run up the front steps, giving him the time and space needed to carefully navigate the few steps up. "Lemon left us breakfast." She crowed as she triumphantly carried the familiar pink box into the kitchen. "I'll grab us plates."

Wade found himself standing at the threshold to his home again. This time determined to go through it. Afterall the house held Zoe, and the couch, and the pastries, he needed to get in there. But he still couldn't seem to cross the threshold.

"Wade?" Zoe called from inside. "In the mood for a cruller or a muffin?"

 _She has no idea I'm struggling here._ The thought made him oddly proud, she hadn't noticed this weakness, and there was no reason to show her. He placed one crutch just inside the door, then the other, with the slight swinging/hopping motion that had replaced his swagger, he was in the house.

And he felt entirely the same. "Well, that was anticlimactic," he said out loud.

"Did you say something?"

"Uh, cruller would be perfect." He answered as he made his way to the sofa and sank down onto it. "Hello sofa, I've missed you." He stretched back and felt some of the tension he'd been trying to ignore all morning slip away. This was home.

After breakfast of coffee and crullers on the couch, Zoe suggested they head up stairs and clean up. "I hate to break it to you, but Wade Kensella, you kind of stink and those pants are stupid."

"Says the woman who _still_ isn't wearing pants."

"At least I don't stink." She stood up and offered him her hand, "come on, up you go."

He stood carefully and followed her to the stairs. Looking up the steep wooden stairwell with the rickety banister he'd been meaning to replace for the past year, he sighed, "no good way for me to get up there."

Zoe looked stricken, "Oh Wade, I'm sorry, I don't know why I didn't think about this. Shoot, we don't have a shower on this floor."

He shook his head at her, "I'm not saying I can't get up there - just that it's not going to be pretty." He handed Zoe his crutches, "Just leave these up at the top of the stairs and I'll be up in a bit."

She did as he asked, waiting for him at the top as he sat down on the steps and scooted up each one, his arms lifting and his leg pushing him back to the next step. "I can feel you watching me." He growled up at her, "go on to the bedroom. I don't need your supervision. I got this."

He heard her start to say something but then change her mind and head down the hall. He was glad his back was to her, he didn't want her seeing the embarrassment across his face. "Nothing like draggin' your butt up a flight of stairs to make you feel manly," he grumbled to himself. But at least he could do it, and that was more than some of guys he met in Birmingham could say.

When he reached the top he stood up and slipped into the crutches Zoe had left for him.

 _This is my new normal._

* * *

Hi all. Sorry for the long delay between chapters. It's been a crazy week and I have to admit I struggled with this section. After so much drama and angst it was time for something a little different and it didn't flow quite as easily as previous chapters. Oh well. Back to the good stuff soon!

Thank you so much for all your kind comments. It seriously amazes me that anyone is interested in reading my story at all, and I appreciate all your feedback so much.

Have a great week!

-E


	11. Chapter 11

Wade came back down the stairs - on his butt - an hour later feeling more like himself, and hopefully looking more like himself too. He still needed a haircut, but hopefully he could call Susie and have her come by to give him a trim. The sooner he looked normal _enough,_ the better as far as he was concerned. He needed to show everybody that he was still the same Wade Kinsella they'd known for years. He just moved a little differently now.

So far Lavon and Zoe hadn't seemed too put-off by the change. He desperately hoped everyone else could take it in stride too.

As he made his way into the living room he noticed his fitted plaid shirt felt a little snug. It was definitely tighter across the shoulders, which made sense considering the work he'd put in lately. After the first few weeks of basically being bedridden, he'd started working out harder than he had since his high school football days. "Your back and arms are taking over for your leg and have to be twice as strong!" His physical therapist had drilled that into his head during countless reps on the shoulder press and the lat machine.

And it had worked. He was stronger than he'd been in years, especially in the last few years when the comforts of fatherhood had slipped a few extra pounds on him.

Now, the jeans were another story. They were actually a little loose, riding a bit lower slung across his hips than normal. And the leg…

He hadn't wanted to ruin his favorite pair of jeans. Since a loose pant leg flapping in the breeze just looked plain ridiculous, he'd opted to fold it up and tuck it into the back of his waistband. Not perfect, but it had worked, and it had helped to pad his butt a little during the descent down the stairs.

That staircase was going to get old fast.

Slipping on his boot was the last piece of looking like the real Wade Kinsella again. It felt great stepping into his perfectly broken-in workboot. He'd understood why rehab required everyone in trainers, but bright green accents and neon orange laces would never be his style. Strangely he had only been able to locate the right one, which was really all he needed, but still he wondered where the other one was. All the other shoes in his closet had matches - why was this one missing?

"Hey Zoe?" he called out to her as he sat down on the comfy living room sofa. He had a feeling that he'd found his new temporary headquarters, at least for the time being. "What happened to my other boot?"

She came out of her office - finally in pants, he noted - and sat down beside him. "Uh, they had to cut it off when they still thought they could save your leg." She looked at him, almost as if she didn't know what to say. "They disposed of it, along with everything else. It wasn't going to be salvageable."

"What do you mean, 'disposed of?' They just threw it away?"

"Incinerated it, actually. It was considered medical waste." She gave him an appraising glance. "Along with your leg."

"They burned my boot? AND my leg?!" He didn't know why this was the first time he'd even thought about what had happened to his limb after it was removed from his body. It hadn't even crossed his mind until now. "Is that normal?"

Zoe shrugged. "That's what usually happens. I guess I could have requested taking it home for burial, but that seemed… uh… I didn't think anyone would have appreciated that. It was pretty… uh… mangled."

"You saw it?" For some reason, the idea of her seeing his leg - not attached to his body - bothered him.

She shook her head. "No; I just saw the xrays beforehand. I had to give approval for the procedure."

She was the one that had to make the call? Of course; as his wife, she would have been called upon to sign off on his behalf. It still came as a surprise. "Shit. I didn't know that."

Zoe looked like she was about to start crying. "I'm so sorry, Wade… if I had thought there was any other way..." The tears brimmed over. "It's my fault."

His heart broke as he saw guilt streak across her face. "Zo, it is not your fault." He pulled her into his lap. "This is not your fault. None of it."

"You must hate me," she sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

He held her close letting her cry and hopefully release the pent up guilt that surely must have been weighing her down for weeks now. "Zoe, look at me." She did. "I don't hate you; I'm proud of you. You made the right call. From what I hear, it was my leg or my life. I don't know how you were strong enough to make that call, but I'm glad you were. I don't know if I would be able to make any decision at all if the roles had been reversed." A brief vision of Zoe lying unconscious and mangled crossed his mind. He shuddered, wrapping his arms around her even tighter. "Let's never find out, okay?"

She buried her head in his neck again, giving a small, furtive nod.

"It was the right call, Doc." he whispered, nearly overcome by the thought of her wrenching decision. "I couldn't ever make a decision that could take me away from you, darlin'. You did what had to be done."

They sat on the couch together for a while longer. Wade was relieved that Zoe had confided her guilt; he didn't want her carrying feelings like that. He knew they both had a lot of healing to do and hopefully, this might help them do that.

Wade finally broke the silence. "What do you say we get the kids home?"

"Are you sure? I know how important it was to you that they didn't see you earlier. If you need more time, I'm sure they could spend the day with Lavon and Lemon. They aren't expecting you until tomorrow."

Wade thought about spending another night in the Gatehouse and quickly dismissed the idea. He was home now and wouldn't go back. He knew he had some time to make up for with the kids. Six weeks was too long to be separated from them. Part of him regretted keeping them away this long, but after what happened when he was a kid, Wade knew that he did what needed to be done. Seeing your parent hurt or sick - it left deep marks on a kids. He wasn't going to put his kids through that.

But he was better now, well, as good as he was going to get anyway. He didn't want to put it of another moment. He wanted his kids home.

"Naw, it's time." He pulled out his phone and shot Lavon a quick text.

 _Bring those munchkins home. I miss them!_

It didn't take long at all before the door banged open and a tornado of pink cotton, long dark hair and an endless stream of words swirled into the house.

"Mom! Mom! Can we make Daddy a welcome home sign? I have crayons but I need some really, really, reeeaaaalllly -" her arms spread wide and her eyes shut as she envisioned her sign "-big paper! Oh, and streamers; do we have streamers? Can we make streamers?" Cora was twirling around the room now, looking up at the ceiling as if trying to figure out where best to hang the streamers.

Wade loved the sight of her. She'd grown up so much in six weeks, looking more like her momma every day.

"Or you could just give me a hug." Wade's deep voice startled her. She whirled around.

"DADDY!" Cora was immediately on him, clambering all over him and covering him in kisses.

"Hey there, beautiful. I missed you!"

"Daddy! I can't believe you are home! We were supposed to drive to forever to get you tomorrow." The way she dramatically threw back her head and elongated the "eeeevvvvveeeeerrrrr" made him smile. Cora was always unintentionally hilarious and wonderfully dramatic. He and Zoe had often lamented that if she was like this now, what would 14 be like? As he pulled her into his arms, he was beyond thankful that one day, he would be able to find that out.

"I couldn't stand to be away from you a moment longer. So I went out to the interstate, stuck out my thumb and hitched my way back to you and your brother." Cora giggled as he tickled her.

Zoe stood at the kitchen island and watched the interaction. Cyclone Cora was all over Wade, telling him everything that had happened during his six weeks away. Their little girl was sunshine itself. She radiated joy.

Zoe liked to think that, had she had the kind of upbringing she was able to give her kids, maybe she would have been like Cora. Freedom to run and play outside, a town full of people who love her, parents who adored her and each other. Yeah, it was easy to be bright and happy when you had all that going for you.

Of course Parker had all that too, and yet he was so… Zoe didn't know quite how to describe it. One thing was for certain, though: Parker was a Kinsella male through and through. No doubt about that.

She was always amazed at how deeply he felt things. He'd cried for hours about a dead bird they found on the patio, then kept bringing it up for weeks. She wished she knew how to help him manage his emotions better - not to bottle them up (and then fall into said bottle) like Earl; not to force a "no skin off my back" attitude like Wade had held for years.

She'd hoped for a few more years to figure something out, but Wade's accident had made things even more difficult. Her son was drowning in his emotions; try as she might, she wasn't getting to him. She'd hoped that Wade's return would help. After seeing Parker bolt up to his room the moment he saw his father, she wasn't sure it would.

Zoe understood Wade's reasons for not letting the kids see him in the hospital. She hadn't agreed with him, but he had made it very clear how important this was to him, and she'd honored that the best she could. The day she'd driven them up to Birmingham had been a betrayal, she realized now; at the time, though, she'd thought it was her best option to pull their son out of a funk.

Parker had grown increasingly resentful of Cora as the weeks dragged on with Wade away. All Zoe could think during the long drive up was "Parker will see Wade and they will both feel better." It hadn't worked. In fact, Parker had been worse since the visit. She was thankful he was only 7 and not 15, or she'd be searching for drugs or alcohol. Actually, she HAD checked. Luckily, Parker seemed to simply drown his hostility in video games and maybe a few more cookies than she would have liked him to have. Not ideal, but she'd take it.

"Where is Parker, anyway?" Wade asked from his spot on the sofa, Cora still wrapped around him.

Zoe sighed, "he's probably hiding in his room again."

"Park is always up there." Cora chimed in helpfully.

"He is, is he?" Wade asked as he slid Cora off his lap. "Come on Bumble Bee, let's go check on your brother." Zoe watched as the two of them made their way to the stairs. Cora following along behind Wade, not a bit phased by his missing leg, or the black crutches that made it possible for him to get around. Nope, not bothered a bit. He was her daddy and that's all the mattered. Cora's constant chatter still going strong, as usual. Now she was filling him in on what seemed to be every bad thing Parked had done over the past weeks - which consisted mainly of not playing with her enough and calling her names. When Wade reached the bottom of the stairs he handed Cora his crutches, "fly these up to the top of the steps for me Bumble Bee." She headed right up, thunking the crutches against each step as she made her way to the top, Wade not far behind her.

"Please get through to Parker." She whispered, knowing he couldn't hear her, but needing the words said out loud anyway. "Please."

* * *

 **Hello everyone-**

 **Thanks again for reading and commenting. I hope you like this chapter, I personally love the image of this swirling pink-clad mini-Zoe climbing all over Wade and covering him in kisses. It just made me happy and the story needed some happy.**

 **Several of you have asked about a prosthetic for Wade, and that is something I'm planning to cover pretty soon. I really appreciate all your feedback. It's gotten me thinking about how to handle a few things in up coming chapters. Also, nope - she hasn't seen all of him yet, but she will soon!**

 **If you have any questions or ideas, please share them. I love reading what you have to say, it really makes me think and that's always a good thing.**

 **Thanks!**

 **-E**


	12. Chapter 12

At the top of the stairs Wade pushed himself to smoothly to standing. Powering himself up with a move that seemed impossible when his therapist first showed it to him, the technique was practically second nature by now.

Cora stood waiting to hand off his crutches, "Thanks, Bee," he said, ruffling her hair. "You sure are a good helper."

Wade hated asking for help. Sure, he appreciated the bonuses he got around town, like his ongoing, never-coming-due tab at the Butterstick, and an extra perk here or there. But those came from a place of fun and a little bit of flirtiness, not a true need - and especially not a place of pity. He didn't think he could handle help that came with a pitying look.

But Cora and Parker were a different story. His kids loved to help; even when that help wasn't actually...helpful. Maybe having them help him now would make things easier on the kids. Give them a job, a focus.

He squatted down to Cora's eye level. "Daddy's gonna need a good helper or two. Think we can convince Park to be one, too?"

"Dunno, maybe." She shrugged before pirouetting down the hall, stopping at Parker's door. "He doesn't like me going in there."

Too true; he'd broken up many fights between the kid over Cora "trespassing" into Parker's territory. He'd threatened to make them share a room more than once over such a dispute. "Best stay out here, then, and guard the door." He gave her a conspiratorial wink.

"Okay, Daddy." She winked back. God, he loved his little girl.

Wade knocked lightly as a courtesy before entering the room. Parker was hard at work building an elaborate block tower. He didn't look up or say a word as Wade carefully maneuvered across the small room and sat down on his son's twin bed.

"Parker," Wade began cautiously, "it's good to see you again. I've missed you."

He waited for some kind of response from his son. Nothing came. Parker just kept stacking blocks, never even glancing Wade's way.

Wade slid off the bed to sit in front of Parker - the block structure a physical representation of the barrier between them.

"Don't break my building." Parker finally mumbled as Wade tried to catch his son's eye.

"I won't. It's a nice building, Park; I like what you've done with this section." He pointed to the end where Parker had lined up several triangles with rectangles balanced on the top points.

Parker really was an amazing builder; it didn't really matter what the medium: wooden blocks (of which he had hundreds all handmade by Wade), Legos, Minecraft, sticks and rocks found in the yard. He was a natural builder. Of course he was, Wade mused; he'd been watching his dad build things since he was a baby.

Wade thought back to those early days. Parker was six months old when Wade decided he'd had enough of traipsing to Lavon's house every time he need to use a kitchen. Parker was even strapped to Wade's back in one of those baby backpack things while he'd done much of the construction. At first, Zoe had insisted it wasn't safe, but eventually she relented, knowing that Wade would never do anything to endanger the son he loved more than life itself. Parker even had his own set of baby safety goggles.

As Parker had grown, so had his goggles, and the projects they did together. Just last summer, they'd built the patio set together that now sat on the screened-in porch that Wade (with Parker's help, of course) had completed the summer Parker turned four, when Zoe was heavily pregnant with Cora and the boys needed an escape from the house.

Wade and Parker were this little team. More than one person in Bluebell - okay, _everyone_ in Bluebell - had commented about Wade and his 'mini-me' over the years. They were a lot alike: same sandy blond hair, same eyes that one moment looked whiskey brown, but edged with enough green that in the right light you'd swear were emerald, when moments before you would have sworn they were chocolate. It wasn't just the physical resemblance people commented on; no, there was something about Park that made people immediately think about his father. No one, including Wade himself, was ever able to quite put their finger on it, but something about Parker screamed Kinsella.

Right now, Wade wished his son was a little more Hart. Over the years, Wade had all but figured the good doctor out, but, he was loath to admit, sometimes he was a mystery even to himself. He'd managed to reign in his natural immediate response to adversity by shutting down emotionally and losing himself in sex - with any beautiful woman who crossed his path. But sometimes the urge to run away from a problem still roared in his head. It had been roaring a lot lately he realized. Only his deep love for his family kept him rooted.

He could see the hurt emanating off of Parker, and he didn't know what to do. It was so much easier when he could solve Parker's problems by holding and rocking him like he so often did when Park was a baby. Wade had always been able to sooth their son, it hard irked Zoe that after hours of trying to calm a screaming Park, the moment she handed him over to Wade parker would almost immediately calm and fall asleep in this father's arms.

They had been sitting on the floor together for several minutes, Parker still methodically building and pointedly ignoring his father, when Cora burst into the room, "Daddy! Come see my new doll!" She was bouncing with excitement as she held out a doll that looked a bit like a Barbie, but also had ears like a fox and a tail. _What the hell kind of doll is that?_ he thought. But his thoughts were pulled back to his son as the entire block structure came tumbling down.

"GET OUT!" Parker roared at his sister. A wooden triangle hurdled past him and hit the wall just inches from where Cora stood, stunned. She bolted from the room, tears streaming down her face. Wade longed to go after her, to pull her up into her arms and comfort his precious daughter. Before he could even get anywhere near a standing position he heard Zoe in the hall doing just what he longed to do. With a sigh he turned around to face his son, prepared to lay into him over throwing a block at his sister.

"Parker!" But the word died on his lips as he took in the stricken expression on his son's face. Silent tears poured from his eyes, but he would not look at his father. Staring blankly through the cascade of tears Parker said quietly, "she breaks everything that I love."

"Park," Wade started to protest in a gentle tone.

"She broke you." Parker's eyes darted up to Wade's - flashing green. "I'm going to hate her forever. She broke you and you don't love me anymore because of it."

Wade was at a complete loss. "Why would you think I don't love you anymore?"

Parker's gaze dropped back to the pile of wooden blocks. He picked one up and held it. The edges soft from years of use. "You didn't want to see me." He hurled the block across the room before standing up and attempting to run out the room. Wade grabbed him, his strong arms gathering is crying son up and pulling him to his chest. Parker fought back a first; small fists pummelling his shoulders and arms. Then with a great heaving sob Wade felt Parker's body go slack against his own, giving into the embrace, but not returning it.

They sat there, Parker clutched to him as he stroked his son's back and murmured soothing sounds. Every sob a wound to his soul. His son thought he didn't love him. It was the greatest failure he could imagine. When Parker's sobs soothed to a whimper, Wade pulled him back so he could look his son in the eyes. "Parker, I never stopped loving you."

Parker shook his head, "But Daddy?"

Wade read the insecurity in his son's face, "There has never been a moment where I didn't love you. Not one. Even when I was in that hospital and miles away - I loved you."

"But you didn't want to see me," Parker sobbed.

"I didn't want to scare you. But I never, not once, stopped loving you. Daddy didn't look like Daddy." He took a deep, grounding breath, "Park, I was in bad shape and I didn't want you to see me like that. I wanted you to see me whole."

"But you're not whole now. Cora broke you forever."

"Cora didn't break me." Wade shifted his son's weight on his lopsided lap. "A man who wasn't well drove his car into mine. It wasn't Cora's fault, it wasn't mine, it wasn't yours. You can't blame Cora for this."

"Yes I can!" He shouted defiantly, "she was the one who begged you to take her to the stupid princess cupcake store in Mobile. If she'd have just been happy with the Butterstick like normal, you wouldn't have been on that road and wouldn't be broken now. She ruined everything."

Wade sighed. In the aftermath of everything he'd forgotten why he'd been on that road in the first place. Princess cupcakes for Cora - cupcakes they'd never even gotten.

"Park, it's not her fault."

His son nodded, as if in agreement, but the look in his eyes told Wade that he didn't really believe it. It was going to take quite a bit of convincing to change his son's mind.

Not sure what else to say Wade pulled Parker back into his arms. Parker's tears had finally subsided and he hugged Wade back for the first time.

"Dad?" Parker said, his face still buried in Wade's shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"I still love you too."

Wade felt his eyes prick with tears, "I know, Park, I know."

* * *

 **Thank you all for reading this story and for your encouraging words. I value all of your feedback. I hope you all are having a great week!**

 **-E**


	13. Chapter 13

**Just a quick note, it gets very lightly "M" in the beginning. And the f word is used near the end. I'm probably being too cautious, but there you go :)**

* * *

"Parker blames Cora." Wade said as he stretched out on their bed; the lower part of his body already under the light sheet, out of sight. With hands folded behind his head he watched Zoe change for night. What he didn't voice were the words that kept playing over in his head; Parker thinks I'm broken.

"Yeah, I was worried about that." Zoe looked over at Wade, he could read the concern across her face. "He never out and out said it before, but I got that feeling." She climbed into bed next to him, "it got harder the longer you were gone. I think he was worried you were never coming home."

"Even though we talked every night and mapped out my coming home date?" Wade thought he had done everything right and now he was realizing just how wrong he had been. "Did that make things even a little easier?"

"Not really." Zoe sighed as she flicked off the bedside lamp, casting the room into darkness. "Sometimes it made it worse." Her words barely above a whisper, but he heard it and he knew - his attempts to aid his family through this awful experience had done more harm than good.

"Shit Zo, I'm sorry. Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Frustration surged through him. "If I'd known it was this bad I would have tried to come home sooner."

"That's exactly why I didn't let on." Zoe rested her head on his chest, his arm came around to hold her closer, the position second nature to both of them. "You needed to be there. It was the right thing for you to stay."

But it didn't change anything. My leg is still gone and now my family is hurting even more because I was away so long. Wade ran his fingers through Zoe's hair, trying to banish the dark thoughts and lose himself in the softness of his wife.

Wade had missed her touch. These past weeks of only being touched in a medical way had been worse than if he hadn't had any physical contact with anyone. Sterile touches of people changing bandages, sewing up lacerations, taking vitals, fitting him into a prosthesis, or holding him steady has he learned how to maneuver again, it was anything but healing. Weeks and weeks of nothing comforting, nothing loving - he had been lonely in a way he hadn't remembered being since the terrible days after his mother died. Touch meant more to him than any words said over the phone, no matter how loving or comforting. The weeks away had eaten at his soul, and it seemed it had done the same for his son. It was foolishness that he'd ever have thought phone calls would have been enough. Wade's fingers twisted up her dark strands, a clutching desire for connection.

Zoe seemed to know what he needed and brushed her lips across the slight roughness of his jawline. Her hands coming up to cup his face, "I missed you."  
She eased off her shirt, inviting his touch. He pulled her on top of him in one smooth motion. Skin to skin. Hands roaming. Tiny kisses peppering his skin.

"Zo."

"You don't have to say it. I know." And she did. He knew he could trust her even as she slid down to torture him with kisses and licks across his abdomen. His hardness apparent and now nestled between her breasts. He sucked in a breath, loving the pressure of her body against his cock. Still, she never once made to remove his boxers or venture lower.

Zoe moved back up teasing his skin with small nips the whole way. He wrapped his strong arms around her, holding, being held. This, more than anything else, was healing. He felt his body relax as she nuzzled into him.

"I'm glad you came back a little early." He heard the sleep in her voice and knew she too had relaxed within their embrace. "It was a good day."

It had been a good day Wade thought as he listen to the rhythmic breathing of his sleeping wife. After the blow up with Parker things had calmed down. He'd made his way back to his place on the sofa and spent time reading books to Cora with Parker pretending not to listen to the latest adventures of the Berenstain Bears. He and Parker had built the new Lego set Wade had brought back from Birmingham, while Cora played with the new Barbie-style Princess Aurora and Prince Phillip dolls he'd brought home for her.

After dinner, which had arrived on the doorstep thanks to Lemon, they had all settled on the sofa for family movie night. Wade had snuggled Cora on his lap with Parker nestled between himself and Zoe. They'd picked Sleeping Beauty in honor of Cora's new dolls. It had enough dragon fighting that Parker hadn't whined too much about it being a princess movie. Zoe had made popcorn and together the family had laughed at the fairies, and cheered on Prince Philip as he fought Maleficent. It'd felt so wonderfully normal - so much like home he'd wanted to weep from the joy of it. But heaven knew there had been far too much weeping over the past 24 hours. He'd settled for planting another kiss on top of Cora's head and giving Parker a squeeze.

When he'd tucked the kids into bed that night he'd taken extra time to lay down with each one. He knew he'd never get those lost weeks back, but it had made him appreciate the time now even more. "Daddy?" Cora had asked. "Will you still be here in the morning?"

"Of course I will Bumble Bee. Daddy is home for good now. I'm not going anywhere." She'd hugged him close after that and covered his face with another barrage of kisses.

He'd had a similar conversation with Parker twenty minutes later when Cora finally drifted off to sleep. Wade had snuck out of her room, thankful he was able to navigate quietly enough not to wake her.

"Park, I just want to make sure you know I'm home for good now. Ok?" Parker had nodded but remained silent.

"I love you, Kid." He'd waited for a response but one never came. Instead Parker had silently slipped his arm across his father's chest; a non verbal acknowledgement of love and promptly fell asleep.

Wade had stayed in Parker's bed until Zoe had come to get him. "It's late," she'd whispered, "come to bed."

He'd reluctantly followed her, hating to leave his son when things between them were so fragile.

Yes, things were far, _far,_ from perfect, he mused, but he didn't feel quite so lost. Zoe's sleeping body anchoring him, reminding him of the good he still had. His family was still here, Parker was struggling, but reachable. As Wade drifted off to sleep himself he felt better than he had in weeks. Today had been a good day.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Lavon asked as he loaded the last dish into the dishwasher.

"Nonsense it is a perfectly lovely idea." Lavon eyed Lemon. "Well, even if they don't like it, it's... it's, good for the town." Lemon went on. "Everyone in Bluebell is anxious to see how Wade is doing. If we don't organize something official then there will be a parade of people traipsing through here all week. Is that what you want?"

Lavon acquiesced, "nah, you're right. Tomorrow at the Rammer Jammer it is then." He furrowed his brow, "but are you sure we can't just tell them about it. Neither of them like surprises."

Lemon stared at him with a look at that clearly said, 'you, Lavon Hayes, are an idiot'. "No. We most certainly can not just tell them. They'll find a way to weasel out of it if we do."

"Fine, fine. But let it be known I do not approve." Lavon stated as they left the kitchen.

"Duly noted."

"How are we going to keep them busy until seven tonight?"

Lemon eyed him again, "you really keep forgetting who it is you are married to, don't you? I have it all planned out. Every detail has been seen too. Now, let's go to bed, tomorrow is going to be a busy day."

Wade woke up mere hours later to a pins and needles feeling in his leg - the leg that was no longer attached to his body. "Damnit."

It had started happening shortly after arriving at the rehab place, he'd woken up screaming, feeling a knife in his leg that wasn't there. Clearly it was too much to hope that he'd have one decent night's sleep in his own bed before the phantom pains came back. At least it was just pins and needles, and not that clenching pain that often kept him up for hours on end. Careful not to wake Zoe, he rolled to the edge of the bed and reached down for the sleek black crutches he'd tucked next to the bedside table. Slipping his forearms into the cuffs he stood up, wincing as pain shot through his missing limb with every step - steps that never actually touched the ground. He still didn't understand how something that wasn't even there anymore could be so painful. Gritting his teeth he made his way to the bathroom. Once the door was firmly shut behind him he sank onto the closed lid of the toilet, the pain increasing from manageable pins and needles to fiery glass shards.

"Shit!" He sucked in a breath and began rubbing what remained of his leg. It was just a rounded end, barely worth the title of stump. Nothing but a mound of flesh with a large pink scar running up the front where the doctors had sewn him up again. Train track sutures from groin to hip with two small pink circles that still looked like holes up higher on his hip where the drainage catheters had been placed - it was more scar than leg and right now every inch of it throbbed. He closed his eyes as he rubbed the stump, trying to visualize the whole leg as he'd been taught, hoping that the massage would relax the limb that wasn't there. After 10 minutes of rubbing the pain subsided somewhat and he let out a shaky breath. Thankful he'd gotten through the worst of the ordeal without waking Zoe.

Bracing himself for more pain he stood again. This time, much to his relief, no fresh agony shot through him, just the dull ache he hadn't been able to massage away. He hoped the pain wouldn't get worse and that he'd actually be able to sleep tonight.

He moved to the sink, leaning against the counter as he splashed water on his face. The face in the mirror startled him. He looked almost gaunt, pain still streaking his features, dark gashes under his eyes from lack of sleep. Other than the pain and exhaustion that marred his features, the rest of him visible in the mirror looked normal enough in his estimation. His body strong. His left side was accented in a few small scars from the crash, but it wasn't terrible, he told himself. They were small enough and he hoped they would fade over time.

His eyes fell to the crutches. These would never fade - they would be his constant companion. He'd been on crutches before. The adjustable, under the arm variety that signalled a broken leg or sprained ankle. Something to be used and then put away in a closet after bones had mended or sprains healed. He'd gotten rid of such a pair 4 weeks into the 6 weeks he was supposed to be on them, back in his school days. As soon as he'd been able to limp around without them he'd hidden the damn things in the back of his closet. No one had even noticed that he wasn't supposed to be off of them yet, or how much each step had urt. But with his dad a mess and Jesse already off at Basic Training no one had been there to notice. He'd sucked it up like the man he wanted to be and limped around for weeks, but at least he was limping on his own - not depending on anyone or anything to hold him up.

Now he would always have to depend on these sticks. The constant dependence didn't sit well with him. He was not a man to lean on anyone or anything. But it was his only option now. He would always need these fucking things. He wanted to hate them. Part of him did. Part of him hated everything about his life.

He maneuvered back into bed, cursing the pain that had taken away his good day. Wade's fingers instinctively sought out Zoe, even as as the dark voice in his head told him he didn't deserve to be near her.

 _Half a man, a dependant, a burden. Broken. Even your own son thinks you are broken._

Wade closed his eyes and tried to banish the thoughts, but they gripped him and would not let go.

* * *

 **Sorry for the long gap between chapters, I've had a bit of writer's block. I really want things to be easy for Wade - I wanted him to have a good day - but we all know that's not going to happen. I tried, really I did.**

 **Oh well, hopefully you all enjoyed it anyway.**

 **Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

 **-E**


	14. Chapter 14

It hadn't been a good day. The lack of sleep was taking its toll and the pain had never quite let up. It felt like someone was digging their nails into his calf muscles - muscles that weren't even there anymore. The over the counter meds and visualization techniques weren't touching the pain and he wouldn't take anything stronger while on 'dad duty'.

Zoe had been called away to see to a patient over an hour ago. She'd been reluctant to leave him, aware that he was hurting, but he'd insisted; a choice he now deeply regretted. Parker and Cora had been fighting non-stop since she'd left. Parker starting to play with Cora and then seeming to remember that he hated her and started tormenting her instead. He had finally had enough and sent Parker up to his room. He was contemplating calling for reinforcements - in the form of Lavon and Lemon - when his phone buzzed.

"Lemon, thank God it's you. Any chance I can send the kids up to your place for a bit?" He heard the desperation in his voice, but didn't care if it meant some serious pain meds and a much needed nap were in his future.

"I was actually just calling to ask you to send them up."

Wade relaxed against the couch cushions. "You, my friend, are a lifesaver."

"Of course!" Lemon chirped, "I've already arranged a sitter; so just drop the kids off at my house and I'll drive us both over."

"Drive us over where?" He questioned as he shifted positions, pulling a Barbie from behind his back and handing it over to his shadow - formally known as his daughter. Cora had taken up residence about 18 inches from his side this morning and seemed to have no intention of straying.

"To the Rammer Jammer of course. You need to go in and tend to your livelihood."

"You cannot be serious! I'm not going in tonight."

"Yes you are, Wade. You're going in about 20 minutes too." He heard the iron beneath her silky voice that meant there would be no changing her mind.

That didn't stop him from trying, "Not tonight," he groaned. "It's Sunday evening, it's gonna be slow, anyways I almost always let Sammy run Sundays unless there is a game and I know for a fact there isn't a game on tonight."

"It's been two months, Wade. Two. Months. I can't run it forever. I have my own restaurant to look after"

"I know." Wade kneaded his brow, wishing he had the ability to pace. "And I appreciate you taking care of things for me, but this just isn't a good time."

"I don't care. It is happening tonight. You _will_ be at my house in 15 minutes or I'll come down and drag you out myself."

"Well I don't care what you say, I am not going in tonight!" He knew he sounded like a petulant child, but dammit, he wasn't feeling up to it. He was just about to explain that to Lemon when he realized she was no longer on the line. "She hung up on me!" Wade said in disbelief as he slipped the phone into his pocket.

"Who did, Daddy?"

Wade looked down at Cora who was playing with her dolls on the coffee table. He couldn't remember her ever playing at this table before, but ever since he had made the corner of the living room sofa "his spot", she had been slowly moving all her toys down to the coffee table beside him. His shadow.

He swooped her up into his lap, "Don't worry about it Bumble Bee." He began to tickle her until she squealed in delight, drowning out the words he needed to say out loud. "Just your crazy Aunt Lemon," Cora's squeals and laughter ratcheted up even louder. "Who thinks your pathetic, crippled, one-legged daddy, needs to go into work tonight - two days after getting home from rehab." He stopped tickling her and pulled her in for a hug.

Panting, Cora squeezed him around the neck, "Mama says crippled isn't a nice word. You shouldn't use it."

 _Damn, she'd heard._

"I know sweetie. Sorry."

"S'okay Daddy."

Ten minutes later a jubilant Cora opened the kitchen door at the Mayor's house and scampered off to find Poppy. "The two of you look like you are competing in a sullen contest." Lemon remarked as Wade and Parker entered, "good gracious, I don't know who would win. Sullen Senior or Sullen Junior."

"Knock it off Lemon." Wade turned to his son, "Park, try not to torment the girls too much." He got about as much of a reply as he expected and watched in dismay has his son skulked of in search of video games.

Before Lemon even had the car in park Wade knew something was up. The small parking lot at the Rammer Jammer was full, save for the most coveted spot by the door - like it had been intentionally left free. Looking around at the packed lot he noted several familiar vehicles; including Reverend Mayfair's - on a Sunday. While the good reverend had no problem enjoying himself at the Rammer Jammer, never had Wade seen him there on a Sunday. Something was most definitely up.

"Lemon, what the fuck is going on?"

"I have no idea what you are referring to Wade Kinsella, and I do not tolerate such foul language in my car."

"Bull shit, you know exactly what is going on." A face in the bar's window drew Wade's attention. Earl. Someone else who shouldn't be at the Rammer Jammer on a Sunday night - or any night for that matter. It had to be a welcome home party. That kind of thing had Lemon written all over it. "No way, I'm not going in there." he sputtered through gritted teeth.

The sound of a door slamming brought his focus back from his father's form in the window. A moment later Lemon jerked open his door, "Out!" she held his crutches out to him, "Get out of the car now, Wade Kinsella and get your butt into the Rammer Jammer. I will drag you in if that is what it takes."

"So much for subtle," came a rumbling voice from the other side of the car. Wade blinked as Lavon came into view. It was an ambush, no other word for it. "Come on Wade, you know she'll do it too."

Wade took a deep breath and drug this hands over his face., trying to brace himself for what he knew lay ahead. "Fine, let's go deal with whatever shenanigans you've set up. But I want it stated for the recorded that I am not pleased about this."

"Duly noted." Lavon and Lemon answered in unison.

With a sigh he took the crutches from Lemon and got his footing as he exited the car. Teeth set against the pain that still wouldn't let up he made his way into the bar that he'd worked so hard to make his own.

Stepping into the bar he was immediately assaulted with a barrage of _Welcome Home!_ 's from his friends and neighbors. Everyone looked genuinely pleased to see him as he was ushered to a chair near the stage. Soon there was a bottle in his hand and he had a fleeting thought of _'this is all going to be ok'_ as he took a tug off his beer.

Then the questions began.

Dash pulled up a chair next to him, microphone in hand, ready to capture everything for his blog.

It seemed that every person in Bluebell wanted to ask him about his recovery, _fine, as good as it is going to get anyway_ ; about when he'd be back to work, _probably sometime next week_ ; about why he didn't have a prosthetic, _injury's too high to get a good fit_ ; about his sex life with the good doctor, _none of your goddammed business_.

The longed he was there, fake smile plastered on his face because he knew everyone meant well and he wasn't a total ass, the more his head began to pound. He needed Zoe, where the hell was she? Surely she knew about this? Thinking about it, he doubted she did know. No way would she abandon him to the mercies of the Lemon and the town like this, not without being here with him. He slipped his phone out of his pocket and texted Zoe.

 **Where the hell are you?**

 **Finishing up at the office. Sorry I've been so long. Be home soon.**

 **At the Rammer Jammer.**

 **What?!**

 **Get over here.**

 **On my way.**

Wade took a long pull from his beer as he gazed around the crowded bar. It was full to bursting with well meaning townsfolk. Well meaning, he remind himself, but he was not in the mood for being the center of attention, especially not this kind of attention. He'd caught more than one pitying look tonight. A head shake followed by a mumbled 'cut down in his prime' from Sal the Shrimp Guy almost had him out of his seat in fury, but he'd restrained himself...barely.

Zoe should be here in a matter of minutes, he could make it that long without losing it. At least that is what he told himself - repeatedly - as he answered more questions.

 _Yes, I'm coming back to work; No, I haven't read that article on limb regeneration; Yes, I'm thrilled to be back in Bluebell; No, I don't want to wear your healing crystal; Yes, it does still hurt; No, you can't see my scar._

It felt endless.

 _Zoe, where the hell are you?!_

* * *

 **The real question might be 'where the hell have I been?!'**

 **I'm so sorry for this 2+ month delay between posts. I wish I had a better answer for you than 'Life just sort of got in the way and I haven't been able to sit down and write in far too long.' But that's the truth. Also, that I've been binge watching Criminal Minds and it is really hard to think about the lovely town of Bluebell and the wonderful people in it, when grizzly murders keep playing in my mind.**

 **Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this latest chapter. I know it was missing Zoe, but she'll be back on the scene in the next chapter. Wade needs a rescue.**

 **Sorry again for the insanely long break between chapters,**

 **-E**


	15. Chapter 15

Zoe had been avoiding the Rammer Jammer since the day of Wade's injury. She just couldn't bring herself to go in when she knew he wasn't there. Walking in now was like walking into the past. It felt right in a way nothing had in months. Ever since his accident the whole town had felt wrong to her. In her bleaker moments she'd considered taking the kids and moving back to New York, Bluebell was too hard to bare without Wade. If he hadn't recovered, she knew that leaving town would have been her only choice. A chill ran through her at the thought. She rubbed the goose-flesh from her arms as she attempted to banish the images of Wade so near death. It still took her breath away - the thought of not having him - the memories of him lifeless in the hospital bed, broken and bruised. Zoe feared she would never be able to erase the awful images from her mind.

She caught a glimpse of Wade now. His back was to her, but she'd spot him in any crowd, her heart immediately sought him out. Surrounded by the people of Bluebell, he looked so strong, so whole. She'd missed him so much, she's missed the Rammer Jammer so much. It really was the center of this amazing little town. It had always had a special place in Bluebell, even when Wally Maynard ran the place. Now however, this ramshackle roadhouse was the heart of Bluebell and that was all thanks to her husband. The place had flourished under his care. It was Wade's pride and joy - second only to his family. She was so proud of all he'd accomplished.

She chuckled a little at herself, remembering the spoiled brat she'd been when she first came to town. Back when the idea of dating a mere bartender seems so far beneath her. They'd both come so far. She ran her hand along the smooth wood of the bartop and said a quick thank you to this place for all it had done to change her and Wade for the better.

Her eyes drifted back to Wade, the smile on her face faltering as she saw him run his hand across his eyes and up over his forehead. It was his tell, he was in pain. She started towards him, taking a closer look at the tense way he held his body, _why hadn't I seen that earlier_ , she admonished herself. _He's miserable._

Zoe had just taken a single determined step towards him when Lemon halted her. "Zoe, I'm so glad you made it so soon. I think it's turned out rather well, don't you?"

Zoe took in the Welcome Home banner over the bar for the first time, the decorations on the table, the fact that the place was packed on a Sunday evening. _How had I overlooked all this?_

Lemon smiled, "I knew neither of you would have agreed to a party so soon after Wade's return, but the town needed this. They needed to see him."

"How did you even get him here?" When Zoe had left the house Wade had been firmly planted on the couch, Cora by his side, she hadn't thought they'd move until she returned. "And why didn't I know anything about this?"

Lemon gave a small laugh, "Well, I practically had to kidnap him, and I knew that if you knew too, I wouldn't have been able to even do that." She smiled down at her friend, "I know that he's going to grumble about being here, but it really is best thing for him and for Bluebell."

"Lemon, look at him. He's miserable. He had barely gotten off the couch all day when I had to run into town. He needs to take things slowly, get reaclimated to life here, not be thrown into the middle of a party."

"The town needed to see him. His being away so long was hard on everyone." Lemon protested.

"You think I don't know that?" Zoe hissed. "It's been hard on me too. That's why I need him at home, recovering. Being there. So I can stop worrying about him dying all the time."

Lemon looked over at Wade, he was one of her dearest friend's, and the uncertain state he had left them in had taken a toll on the whole town, her included. "Sometimes, I think it would have been easier on everyone if he had." The whispered words were barely out of her mouth when the unmistakable sting of a slap burned her cheek.

Lemon turned to Zoe, but the words on her lips froze at the hurt and fury in her friend's eyes.

"Him not being here could NEVER be easier."

"Zoe, that's not what I meant." Lemon appealed, her hand covering her throbbing cheek.

Zoe just shook her head slightly as she fought back tears at the betrayal she felt. How could Lemon, of all people, even entertain the idea that life would be better without Wade in it?

Zoe searched the room. It seemed her encounter with Lemon had gone unnoticed, thankfully. She made her way through the crowd to her husband's side, resting her hand on his shoulder. The moment she touched him he let out a deep sigh, and she felt some of his tension release. "Zoe." He breathed as he turned to her, eyes meeting.

Zoe reached across the table, taking the microphone from Dash, her eyes never leaving Wade's. She spoke into the microphone clearly, wanting every word recorded perfectly, "I am so thrilled to have Wade back in Bluebell. Nothing was the same without him. Not for me, not for anyone in this town. Wade makes Bluebell home. He still has a long recovery ahead of him, and life has changed for all of us forever." She paused and brought her hand up to the scar that marred the face of the man she loved so deeply, "But Wade is the strongest and best man I've ever known. Nothing will change that. Not this, not anything." She watched the light shift in his eyes and gave him a knowing smile.

She turned off the microphone and handed it back to Dash, "I'm taking my husband home now."

Wade reached under the table and pulled his crutches out. Slipping the cuffs over his arms, he nodded at this wife, "After you." Zoe lead the way out of the bar, smiling at everyone and murmuring words of thanks at the well wishes of the town. Wade tried to smile, but he could feel the facade cracking. The door seemed miles away, but not nearly soon enough they finally made it outside.

He leaned against the side of the building, head and limb pounding. "Thanks for getting me out of there."

"I'm sorry you had to be there at all. I get that everyone wants to see that you are ok, but that was not the way it should have happened."

Wade nodded in silent agreement.

"Come on, I'm still parked at the office. Can you make it that far or should I come back for you?"

"You are not leaving my side for the rest of the night." He stood back up, "Let's get going."

As they walked away from the Rammer Jammer Wade commented, "I'm not, you know."

"Not what?"

"Ok." He sighed as they neared town square. "I'm not ok. I think that is what makes me so mad. Lemon wanted to show me off to everyone, to let them see that I was ok - but I'm not. This is not how I wanted to see everyone again."

"How did you want them to see you?"

"I don't know." He said sadly, as he dropped down onto a bench that looked across at the gazebo. "With you with me for one thing." He ran his hand through his hair, the crutch still hanging from his arm. "The kids too."

"And with more than a moment's heads up?"

"How'd you know?"

Zoe sat down next to him, "If you'd have had any time to escape you would have." A laugh in her voice made them both smile, finally breaking through the maudlin atmosphere that had followed them from the Rammer Jammer.

"Damn straight," he laughed with her.

"I slapped her."

"WHAT?!"

"Lemon, I slapped her. She said something and I didn't even think about it. My hand acted on it own. But, oh, it felt so good to let her have it."

Wade's laughter rang through the quiet town square. "God, I love you Doc. You know that?" He wrapped his arm around her. "It feels good to laugh with you again."

They sat there together until her phone buzzed. Zoe peaked at the screen. "Lavon has offered to keep the kids overnight as penance for his compliance in Lemon's scheme."

"He owes me more than that. But it's a start." He maneuvered to standing, pulling Zoe up with him. "Come on, let's make use of the empty house." The grin that spread across his face sent flutters into Zoe's stomach.

 _The look in his eyes sent the butterflies lower._

* * *

 **I'm not going to lie to you, I think Chapter 14 was weak. The voice wasn't right, a lot of things about it wasn't right, but I wanted to get it out there so I could get rolling again. And for that it worked. It got us to Chapter 15, which will get us to 16...and I think we will all enjoy what 16 has to offer. I know that I'm excited about it.**

 **Thank you all for your comments and encouragement.**

 **-E**


	16. Chapter 16

The evening had wound down rapidly after Zoe and Wade departure. The people of Bluebell losing a bit of the jolly spirit they had in anticipation of Wade return. It was on the faces, and sometimes the tongues, of everyone there. Wade was different. It was devastating seeing Wade without his leg, he just didn't look like the same Wade they all had known for so long. It was better when he was seated, they could almost forget, but not for long. Even though he had tried to smile, no one missed the pain etched on his face. Or the hooded look in his eyes.

Lemon insisted that they get home, almost immediately after Zoe and Wade left, leaving Sammy and Wanda to close up the bar and set things to rights after the failed party.

She hadn't said anything about the slap until was safely alone in the car with Lavon.

"Zoe did what?" Lavon bellowed as he drove them home.

"Oh Lavon, I said the most horrible thing and she slapped me." Lemon brought her hand up to her cheek. The mark had fadely quickly, but the memory of it remained. Lemon feared it would remain for a long, long time.

Lavon put the car into park in front of their home, "what could you possibly have said that would have caused her to slap you?" He took a deep breath trying to temper his feelings and find a balance between outrage on his wife behalf, and that of his best friend, "Zoe managed not to do that back when you were 'mortal enemies', you're friends now. Why tonight of all nights!?"

Lemon looked down at her hand, twisting her wedding ring around her finger nervously. "I may have insinuated that it might have been better…" she began slowly and then all in a rush, "if Wade hadn't survived."

The silence in the car was oppressive. It overwhelmed her. Choked her.

"I'm not sure sure I heard you right." Lavon said in a voice that was too calm, too collected, "was there anyway I possibly heard you right? You said, TO ZOE" his voice getting louder by the word, "that you thought it would be BETTER?! If Wade had NOT survived?"

Lemon gave a small nod of her head, still not looking up from her ring.

"Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah. No. No, Lemon. What on earth were you thinking?"

"I didn't mean it…." her voice shook, "not like that." Lemon tried to meet his eye, "It was just that...him being away. We were all living in limbo for so long. And now he's back, but he's not himself. He's different."

"Of course he's different!" Lavon interrupted, "he lost his damn leg. But he'd still Wade!"

"I know that!" Lemon cried, dashing away tears from her cheeks. "I know! I don't wish he was actually dead! Or anything like that. I just… I just...I can't stand it, Lavon. I can't stand it!" Her voice broke and her tears fell in earnest, "I've tried to be so strong while he was gone. Support Zoe, the kids. Not let on how scared I was. But I can't do it. Seeing him today...I don't know how to deal with it."

"Lem-" Lavon started to speak, but she cut him off.

"He's been one of my very best friends for years, he's been around for everything Lavon. Everything. Even when we didn't exactly get along, he was still there. And I knew I could have gone to him if I needed him." She choked back a sob, "when my momma left. Oh, God, I've never told anyone this." With a steadying breath she continued, "Wade was the first person I talked to after momma left. Even before George, or...anyone. He hugged me and let me cry on his shoulder. Wade of all people. He was dirty and skinny, barely keeping things together with that drunk of a father. But he didn't have a mother either. He's who I ran to. Because I knew he'd be the only one who could understand. And he was. He saw me so low, Lavon, so low. But never told anyone about it. He never used it against me." She looked up and mustered a smile. "For weeks afterward whenever I saw him, he'd make a stupid face when know one was look, just to make me smile. He knew how devastated I really was, even when no one else did."

"Oh Lemon."

"What I can't stand is the look in his eyes, Lavon. I see if, even if no one else does. Sure, people can look at him and see he's hurting, but they don't see that he's wishes that he didn't survive either. Lavon, I see it. I know that look. That look has been in my own eyes. You bury it deep and keep going. But that bone deep despair? Only someone else who has been there can see it. And I see it in him and it's killing me."

Lavon wipes at her tears. "It's ok. I'll talk to them."

"She's never going to forgive me for saying what I did. She'll never understand, and I don't blame her."

"I'll try to help her understand why you said what you did - and what you meant." He said gently.

"She shouldn't. I'm a terrible person for saying such a thing."

Lavon emerged from the car and pull Lemon out with him, and enfolded her in his arms. His strong body wrapping around hers. Grounding her, letting her know if a way words couldn't that he at least, had forgiven her.

"You are not a terrible person." He whispered into her ear, "You are my love.. Always my love."

By the time they pulled up in front of the Carriage House, Zoe was dripping with need for her husband. Not the shy, comfort-seeking of a few nights ago, but the deep lust that drove her to distraction back when she was trying hard not to fall in love with the 'electricity-stealing buffoon' next door with a no-good reputation. Now, the combination of years of soul deep love _and_ unmitigated lust - it was a heady thing.

As she shifted the car into park Wade's mouth found hers. His kisses hot, deep and with a passion she had missed these longs weeks while he was away. He pulled her over to him and soon she found herself straddling his strong body. Sure his lap was a bit lopsided now, but his lips, the hardness of his chest as she pressed against him - not to mention the hardness elsewhere - more than compensated for a lopsided lap.

Between kisses she panted, "This side... of the car…has one….distinct advantage."

"Oh yeah...what's that?" He drawled.

"No chance... I'll hit the horn...with my butt."

The deep rumble of his laughter filled her heart and the car's interior. "I love you, Doc."

"I love you too. But we've got to get inside." She whispered seductively into his ear, "town doctor can't be seen having sex in her car."

"Who's gonna be all the way out here this time of night?" He protested.

Zoe edged over to open the passenger door, "humour me." She slipped off his lap and out of the car, "I need you." She leaned back in with a deep kiss, "I just need a little more room to maneuver too."

Wade groaned as she pulled away, motioning for him to follow her into the house. "This is the point where I'd wrap your sexy legs around my waist and carry you into the house so I can have my wicked way with you." His words came out flippant and playful, but Zoe heard the frustration buried in the statement.

"How about I get myself into the house and you can _still_ have your wicked way with me?" She ran her tongue across his lower lip. "Or I can have my way with you…"

"Damn Doc." He scooted to the edge of the seat, kissing her cleavage, burying his face in the softness. With a sigh of resignation Wade finally released her and got out of the car, "Give me 10 minutes to get in and settled and then I'm all yours." Her motion of 'after you', was met with a swift shake of his head. "You stay out here. Come on up to the bedroom in a few. Don't want my scooting up the stairs to ruin the mood."

"You're ruining the mood by not getting a move on! Go. I'll give you your head start. But Wade?" She stood on tip-toe to brush his lips with hers, "Tonight I want all of you. Nothing is going to change that."

"Whatever you say, Doc." Once again his words were light, but she felt a deeper meaning. She watched him enter the house; slow hops up the short flight of stairs, using the railing and one crutch to heft himself up. At the top of the stairs he took a moment to put himself to rights again, then entered the house.

Zoe counted the moments, remembering the many tumbles they'd taken over the years. Wondering if or how tonight would be different. If only one thing had ever been truly easy in their relationship, it was sex. Their bodies had come together - and come together - so easily, so seamlessly, right from the beginning. She had no doubt that they were made to be together, their bodies so perfectly suited for one another. He was the key to her lock. Nothing could change that. She was so certain of the rightness between them that it hurt her that he was doubting it. And she knew he was. _He's not doubting us - he's doubting himself,_ she told herself.

She looked up and saw the bedroom light had been flicked on. Taking that as her cue she took one last look at the stars in the Alabama night's sky before entering the house to remind her husband just how well they fit.

* * *

 **How will it go when Zoe enters the bedroom? And maybe Lemon isn't quite so terrible after all...**

 **Thank you again for reading and reviewing.**

 **-E**


	17. Chapter 17

AN: First off let me apologize for the insanely long delay. Guess what I can't do when my kids are home with me 24/7? Write. (also read, or basically anything for myself)

Then as soon as they got off to school I started a new job. Today is the first day in MONTHS I've been able to visit Bluebell. This chapter could probably use another round or two of proof reading, but we've all waited long enough and I don't know when I'll be able to have time to work on this again. So here it it, warts and all.

* * *

Wade sat on the foot of the king-sized bed a mixture of dread and desire coursing through his veins. Sex had always been an important part of his relationship with Zoe, _at one time it was the only important part of their relationship_ , he mused. But that wasn't really true and he knew it. Even when he had been trying desperately to make it the only part, he had really been falling in love with her. She'd shifted his whole damn life around the moment she'd enter this Alabama town. He loved her even more for it.

He stashed his crutches under the bed. _Out of sight, out of mind...right?_ Somehow he doubted it. The erection that was so prominent moments ago began to recede, worries overriding desire.

And then she was there.

He felt her enter the room, not even needing to look up to know for sure. He couldn't look at her. "Zo." he massaged his forehead, the throbbing had returned in full-force, as was the pain in his leg. "Maybe this isn't a good idea tonight."

"Wade look at me." He didn't want to, didn't want to see the worry, the disappointment, the pity. "Wade?"

His eyes finally met hers and much to his amazement all he saw there was love, the barest hint of a smile lifted his cheek. "Zo."

He pulled her into his arms, breathing in her scent. Letting her body wrap around him, calming his body and soul. But all too soon she pulled back.

Stepping away from him she began, "Wade, I've been thinking about things and it's not working. The just being us? It's not." She shook her head, "there really is only one option at this point." Wade braced himself for whatever would come next. "For a few minutes I'm not going to be Zoe, not your wife, not someone who loves you, someone who wants you. I'm just gonna be Dr. Hart. A DOCTOR. And I'm going to examine the effects of your injury." He closed his eyes, his heart starting again. She wasn't about to walk out on him. But he didn't want this either. He didn't want her to see 'the effects of his injury'. It didn't matter that she was a doctor. He didn't want this.

"I have held people's internal organs in my hands, and stitched up plenty of gaping wounds." Her voice come out annoyed at first, but then softened, "I am a doctor and this stuff doesn't bother me. I think it's cool actually." Wade watched her smile at that, but couldn't bring himself to meet her grin. "I'm going to leave the room now. And when I come back in, I'm just a doctor - not your wife. Ok?"

He nodded, not because he agreed, but because that was what she wanted, and he wanted to give her something, anything if it meant she'd stay.

"Good." She leaned down and kissed him, "we will make this work," she whispered before leaving.

 _Make what work?_ He wondered. _This moment? Our marriage? My pathetic new life?_

Just as the darkness started to roll back over him a rap at the door jerked his attention back to the present. "Mr. Kinsella? May I come in?" Her voice brisk, professional. Once upon a time they'd role-played at something similar...he doubted tonight would be anywhere near as fun.

"Yeah," was all he could manage in reply.

She walked in,clipboard and pen in hand. _Where had she found that so quickly?_ Her demeanor completely professional. "Thank you for agreeing to see me tonight. Now, let's see how you are healing up?" She walked over to the closet and pulled short sleeve, button down shirt from it's hanger and handed it to him, "If you'll just undress completely and put this gown on - open in front. I'll give you some privacy and be back momentarily."

And then she was gone again.

He sat there, pale blue cotton shirt in hand, dazed expression on his face.

For a long time he didn't move. "This is ridiculous," he muttered to himself, but much to his own amazement, he realized he wanted to do this. The band-aid need to be ripped off and she'd found a way to do it. He reached down and pulled off his boot, tossing it towards the closet where it landed with a thump. Moments later he was sitting on his bed, naked, save for the blue cotton shirt he'd left unbuttoned. Vulnerable didn't even begin to describe how he felt. But he knew it was right. He need this, but more importantly Zoe needed this. And he'd damn near walk through fire for her. He could do this. For her.

* * *

Zoe collapsed against the wall as soon as the door was safely closed behind her. She hated this. But he needed it, she need it. Still, this wasn't the way she wanted to explore the new contours of her husband's body. She didn't want clinical. She just wanted him to let her...know him...again. To know his body.

Knowing that things would be easier if she could do this and do it right, Zoe ran down the stairs to her office off the kitchen. It was small, Wade had built for her, the desk too. She ran her hand across the polished wood before opening the drawer where she kept an old medical kit. Just a zippered case with a stethoscope, thermometer, otoscope and a few other items. As she was heading for the bedroom again she doubled back and grabbed her white lab coat. "Best to look the part," she said to herself as she slipped it on.

A thud from the bedroom drew her up the stairs at a run, she found herself at the door, hand on the knob before turning it she paused, listening. She could hear Wade moving around. Was he getting undressed? She prayed he was. When the rustling died down she took a deep breath, channeling all her experience and training, for what would be the most challenging examination of her life - on her bed. Wishing for the distance of a proper examination table she wondered if she could get Wade down to the office, but immediately shook off the idea. This was happening and it was happening now. She rapped on the door as she entered the room.

"Mr. Kinsella? Ready to begin?"

She met his eyes and knew that his answer was "no". Honestly neither of them were. But she went ahead anyway. "Let's start at the top shall we?" Zoe closed the distance between them and examined the scars on his face and head before pulling out the Otoscope and looking into his eyes. "Any headaches? Dizzy spells?"

Wade had been silent about how he was feeling physically since his return home, she knew he hurt, just know where or how badly. These were things she wanted, needed, to know.

"Yeah," he muttered, closing his eyes against the bright light. She moved on to his ears trying to keep her voice calm, professional, detached. "Which, headaches or dizziness?"

"Headaches."

"Can you describe the pain?" She was looking into his eyes again, searching for something, but finding nothing out the ordinary.

He brought his hand up to his forehead, "here, throbbing. All day."

"Every day?"

"No, yesterday was fine. Today…" he trailed off. She nodded and donned her stethoscope, listening to his heart and lungs. They were strong, which calmed her.

"I'm going to examine the suture lines now, ok?" He gave a slight nod and she began. First the puckered marks between his ribs from the chest tube, it healed as well as could be expected. Then she pulled the shirt back to expose the longer slashes on his upper arm and shoulder. So many deep cuts, but they had healed beautifully in her professional opinion. His shoulders and arms were so much stronger than she'd ever seen them, the raised, still pink lines doing nothing to distract from the sheer power and strength of his upper body. She fought the urge to run her tongue across the lines. Now was not the time. But later, later, she would worship those shoulders and every scar upon them.

She shook herself. _Professional. Distance._ She repeated that mantra in her head as she asked Wade to lie back on the bed, head on the pillow. She palpated his abdomen, "Any discomfort here?" He shook his head. "Good." His abs felt too good under her fingers, once again the scars that crossed them failed to detract from their power, only added to it. _Professional. Distance._ She mentally repeated, but she couldn't help that he was turning her on simply by being here, by letting her see him, touch him - even in this way. But one look at him and she knew he was not feeling the same way. Nope, this was torture to him, and not the good kind. Zoe knew it was time to wrap this up, to get to the part they both had been dreading. She focused her attention to his residual limb. This was all that was left of her husband's leg - meer inches of flesh and bone that tapered to a blunt end where the skin had been pulled to wrap around the end of the little amount of his femur they had been able to salvage from the the terrible crush injury. Professionally, it looked ok. Scarred, but the suture lines were neat, well placed. Personally, it tore at her heart.

When she touched the suture line, just as she had the ones on his chest and abdomen, he sucked in air with a hiss. "Did that hurt?"

"The whole damn leg hurts, right down to my fucking missing toes."

She nodded, all traces of desire gone, focusing instead on finding a way to lessen his discomfort. Wade had one arm thrown over his eyes, teeth gritted against the pain. She wished she could wave a magic wand over him and make everything better, but she was a doctor - not a fairy godmother, there was only so much that she could do.

She ran her fingers up palpating the area around the hip joint and felt the tension under his skin.

"Does your back hurt too?"

His only reply was an intake of breath and she moved her fingers against the muscles.

"This is going to hurt, but it'll help too."

He nodded and she began to massage. The limb, his buttox and lower back were all so tense, rock hard, and seized up in a way that had to be unbelievably painful. "Has it been like this all day?"

"Since last night."

"Have you taken anything for it?"

"Just some Advil."

She shook her head in disbelief, "that wouldn't even begin to touch the pain." He'd been hurting this badly and she hadn't known, how had she missed this?

"It hasn't. But I didn't want to take anything stronger with the kids around. Zombie Dad. Not something I want them to see, especially when I just got home." He hissed again as she began kneading more firmly.

That was Wade, her Wade, putting the family before himself. "You are an idiot." But god, she loved him.

"Doctor's aren't supposed to call their patients idiots."

"They are when their patients aren't taking care of themselves, and not taking the medication they need to be taking."

"Zo."

"Dr. Hart." she chided as she continued kneading the tension out of the limb.

"Dr. Hart." He sat up on his elbows and looked at her seriously, "I can't function well on the medication that actually does anything to relieve the pain. It's a trade off. Pain vs ability to interact with my family. Today, I chose my family."

She pushed her thumb into a tightly knotted muscle and he fell back onto the bed in pain. She steeled herself as she kept pressing, watching sweat bead across his forehead, his breath ragged. She hated hurting him like this but knew it would help. And few moments later it did. She felt the muscle release against her pressure and then watched in satisfaction as his whole body relaxed. "Better?"

"Better." He relaxed deeper into the bed, exhaustion and relief washing over him. "I try to do that myself, but it never quite works."

"It's nearly impossible to do it hard enough to yourself." She slipped off the lab coat and into bed next to him, finding her place next to him, "I'm here anytime you need me." He nodded his understanding. "And Wade?" she waited until his gaze met hers before continuing, "Don't hide your pain from me. Let me help. If not as your wife, then as a doctor." She reached her hand across his body, gently resting her palm against the now relaxed residual limb, "nothing. NOTHING, changes how I feel about you. How much I want you. Do you understand?" She watched his eyes as understanding really sank in. They had both needed this.

"I understand Doc, and love you."

"I love you too." And shift her hand a few inches to the right - this appendage was far from relaxed and that was just how she wanted it.

* * *

Thank you all for reading and once again I'm so sorry it took so long for me to get back here. I hope to find more time for writing (and reading the other great HoD stories here), but I fear that updates won't be as frequent as they were when I started. Thanks again for reading. I really appreciate it!

-E


End file.
